Top 5: Gods in Games

Religion is a complex and at times inflammatory topic that can inspire and offend in equal measure. It therefore seems somewhat amusing that video games have by and large managed to side-step the controversy in which religion becomes embroiled whilst heavily referencing a number of religious beliefs and deities. If you are looking for a blog that is willing to take on the weighty and stimulating concept of how religion is treated in games as a reflection on the demographic that plays them as opposed to other forms of media… I’m afraid you have come to the wrong place. I’m sure that a far more eloquent and thoughtful person has already tackled this topic and whilst I myself might attempt to do so in the future, for now I am content to condense all of these complicated issues into a facile Top 5. Enjoy!

Scribblenauts


God answers your prayers instantly or your pizza is free!

Is Scribblenauts developer 5th Cell a Christian company? Whether they are or not is a moot point. They have restored my faith in the Almighty. When you have need of him, God doesn’t appear through a messenger, an epiphany or through some symbolic gesture. A mere click of your fingers and he is right there beside you, willing to walk through the valley of death. Or into a castle full of ninjas at the very least. And he is one tough mo fo. I’ve seen God go toe to toe with a dragon and barely blink. You know when a little guy in a club is being a bit rowdy and looking to start trouble, he always has a massive mate who looms behind him cracking his knuckles menacingly? That’s what God is in Scribblenauts. He is content to amble along behind you until someone starts giving you some grief at which point he steps in and starts beating the crap out of your enemies. The best thing about this God though is his willingness to handle firearms. Tool him up with a shotgun, put him astride a white horse and put a pimp fedora atop his head and watch him lay waste to all who stand in his way. It’s just a shame he never took swimming lessons.

Kratos


As usual Kratos was late for his anger management classes

The meek shall inherit the Earth? Not on his watch. Just how much of a God Kratos is varies throughout the series. He begins as a mortal, and every time he manages to regain his deity status he seems to be a whisker away from pissing off enough important people to have it stripped from him. But unlike most Gods, whether Kratos at the time possesses the title it matters not. If he were a package delivery boy he would be the God of Package Delivery Boys. As it is, he is the God of War and more than lives up to that moniker. Rather than simply defeating his foes he attempts to turn their bodies into confetti. And any one who can actually coax a harpy into flying higher by stabbing it repeatedly in its underbelly is clearly not adhering to any laws of nature or physics. He isn’t just a God; he is a God killer, so all the other entrants on this list should probably check behind them if they walk down any dark alleys. Chances are Kratos will be lurking in the shadows, itching to perform some quick and brutal surgery.

The Sims


Make their lives better! ... or kill them all...

There have been many excellent God simulation games such as Populous, Black and White and Sim City to name but a few. But those games relate to Gods of ambition. They create and destroy on an epic scale, holding the lives of civilizations in their hands and shaping the course of history. I prefer the idea of the petty God. The God who worries about what will happen to Logan on ‘The Bold and the Beautiful’. The God who smites some one with a bad haircut. The God who cares about what outfit their toy poodle is wearing. Yes, the God of The Sims. In this game God is not so much the guardian of mankind as an omnipotent but obsessive stalker. But this is also a God who is able to kill people, often in horrible, depraved and, depending on the player, rather imaginative ways. Idle hands…

JRPG bosses


The final battle for the fate of humanity is God verus this young man currently struggling with the challenges of puberty

One of the most wonderful aspects of JRPGs is that if you taken even a moment to look back upon the course the narrative has taken from the beginning to the end, the insane amount of improvement your character has made would make even Rocky Balboa choke. True, that development has happened over the period of 50 plus hours as opposed to a montage, but it still doesn’t explain how a farmer’s son armed with a wooden sword which he used to protect his flock from rats went on to kill God. Or the Creator, or the source of the mana for the Earth; whatever deity they decide to employ that certainly isn’t the Christian God, but has a strong fondness for his paraphernalia. By the end of most JRPGs you have ploughed past enough stained glass windows in churches or giant crucifixes to make the Vatican green with envy.
So whilst these JRPGs make the list for the sheer volume of Gods in their games, the definitely don’t make it for their power. After all, if you get your ass handed to you by an androgynous character armed with a massive sword, a pink haired ditzy girl with the body of an adult movie star but the face of a child, and probably some cute mascot that kind of looks like a cross between a rabbit and a kitty, then you can’t honestly claim to be all-powerful.
Special mention goes to Yu Yevon from FFX. Why? Because there is no way that you can lose the battle. Round of applause for the special needs deity.

God Hand


You fight a gorilla in a wrestling mask. This game makes the list

There are many games far more deserving of being on this list. And yes, the main character merely possesses the titular God Hand, as opposed to being a God himself. It isn’t even a particularly good game. But seeing as your special moves involve kicking people into outer space, spanking ladies bottoms and nailing dudes in the balls, I’m going to give it a free pass.