Why hasn't Nintendo...
Sony was first, Microsoft second, and now finally it is the turn of Nintendo. Enjoy.
Criticizing Nintendo is rather like telling ‘yo mamma’ jokes to a deaf billionaire. They don’t listen to your insults and even if they could, they wouldn’t give a damn. They would be too busy trying to decide which tropical islands they would like to buy on a whim. With well over 50 million Wii’s already sold Nintendo can confidently claim that their console has been a success. Despite that, seemingly 90% of people who have access to the internet have an inherent dislike of their system. But going over the same tired arguments will serve little purpose. Yes, we know that by and large Wii games are visually unappealing, and that the game lacks quality games in certain genres and so on and so forth. Instead it seems more productive to highlight what Nintendo should have already done in order to give us more reasons to waggle. The DS sales actually make the Wii’s look modest by comparison. With around 112 million units sold it is well on its way to eventually hauling down the mammoth sales of the PS2, and overtaking the annual GDP of most developed nations on the way. Offering advice to Nintendo at this point could be construed as naïve, but like their competitors, their success doesn’t hide some blindingly obvious omissions. Nintendo are sitting at the head of the table anyway; it would be nice if they tossed us a bone now and then.
You may have noticed that I have omitted the Why don't they section? section for this blog. The reason is simple. I have no idea. Nintendo works in mysterious ways that we mere mortals cannot fathom. We can merely look on in confusion and dismay.
Make use of the peripherals
Why should they?
Not since the Dreamcast took over half of my house with plastic light-guns, keyboards, fishing rods and maracas has a console provided such a wide range of peripherals with limited use. The more insulting thing is that most of them are literally just shaped plastic. From the Mario Kart ‘steering wheel’ to the ‘Wii Zapper’ (don’t worry parents, it definitely isn’t a gun) and all the 3rd party Wii Sports clip-on tennis rackets, golf clubs and baseball bats, there are a spectacular number of ways to drown yourself with insignificant objects. But if you bought them then there is clearly no hope for you, so let’s move on.
Thousands of years of human evolution, the renaissance and the miracle of space travel have finally lead us to this point; a plastic tennis racket that serves no purpose
Instead I shall focus my ire on the peripherals that clearly do have some intrinsic value but that Nintendo push out the door then refuse to support. Wii Speak, by no means perfect (or even half-way decent), is nonetheless a functional way to communicate online. But wait, you actually want to use it? No problem. It works with a grand total of six games. That’s right. Count them. Except that one is only available in Japan. And two others haven’t been released yet. And only one of them is from Nintendo. Mario Kart and Smash Brothers, the most popular online Nintendo games of course do not support this feature. Nintendo has always developed its peripherals with one game in mind and then left everyone else to try to find a way in which to actually utilize them. Remember the N64 controller? Nintendo designed that specifically with Mario 64 in mind, conveniently forgetting that other genres existed, such as fighting games. After finally giving us 1:1 motion control with the Wii motion plus they simultaneously released Wii Sports Resort, which made excellent use of the technology. But should we expect them to give us any other games that exploit it? Not in the near future. We can but marvel at what kind of support the Wii Vitality sensor will receive, considering that even Nintendo doesn’t seem to have figured out what it is for yet.
"If you can think of any use for this, please don't hesitate to call the Nintendo Hotline. Our dedicated telephone operators are waiting night and day for your suggestions. Please."
Make it easier to download games
Why should they?
I guess that 10 years on from the point where Nintendo of America stopped making the SNES I can finally admit that it is dead. Except that it isn’t, because due to the wonders of the Virtual Console you can continue to buy SNES games and well as a vast collection of retro games from various consoles that half of you are probably playing on emulators for free anyway. So, applause for Nintendo? Sadly no. Although I’m sure that there are plenty of games that I would be willing to pay incredible sums of money in order to try and relieve my childhood and break the curse of aging, Nintendo doesn’t seem to want me to be able to find them without first undergoing a quest of some magnitude.
WiiWare? More like Wii WHERE? haha... umm... sorry...
Before I descend into ridiculous hyperbole let me put it simply; the interface for Nintendo’s online store is terrible. It is poorly designed and badly organized, and unless you know exactly what you want to buy, you have little chance of stumbling across a hidden gem. XBLA and PSN have weekly updates in which new games are highlighted and less well known but interesting games are promoted. Demos are offered, trailers and wallpapers are available and new information is constantly relayed to the user. I have no idea what Nintendo is doing because they don’t make the effort to tell me. I guess they could send information using the Wii’s messaging service but seeing as every time I turn on my Wii I am inundated by such useful information as the fact that I played Wii Fit for 5 minutes last night, it would be unlikely to grab my attention. Wiiware has been a death knell for many a promising indie game and it isn’t hard to imagine that many would rather take their chances in the busier waters of Sony and Microsoft’s services rather than dehydrate in the wilderness of Nintendo’s desert.
Give us a reason to buy the DSi
Why should they?
Only a few days ago I was attacking the PSP Go on its price point, but at least I can see why it exists. The DSi has yet to provide me with a hint as to its purpose. The two cameras are conceptually a very interesting idea, but when we learned that they were 0.3 megapixels I’m sure I’m not the only person who assumed that it was a typo. My three year old phone has a 5 megapixel camera. So the cameras are clearly not supposed to be used in order to take photographs but rather in order to provide new elements of gameplay. But with only a few doing so to date and most developers obviously working on games that will be able to be played on the more widely used DSlite, the cameras remain as potential for now.
This looks fun. Rest assured it is not.
As I really appreciate the downloadable focus of the PSP Go and the strong support Sony has shown for it by making so many games available online at launch, the lack of downloadable games on the DSi is made to look even more emaciated. There are some interesting games that are worthy of attention but seeing as Nintendo has the gall to sell chunks of full retail games such as Master of Illusions, my confidence in the direction the service has taken is hardly bolstered. Like the cameras, there is a lot of potential for excellent and imaginative titles, like the wonderful (and free) Flipnote Studio. Unfortunately there is also room for the Mario clock and calculator (both 2 dollars).
So that is it for the trilogy. Thank you for bearing with me through this arduous slog. If you thought I was too lenient on the Big N let me know of anything I missed in the comments section. Thought I was too harsh? If you want to see a spirited defense of Nintendo be sure to check out Top 5: stupid reasons to hate the Wii. And for Wii owners out there, we get New Super Mario Wii soon! Can't wait.
Criticizing Nintendo is rather like telling ‘yo mamma’ jokes to a deaf billionaire. They don’t listen to your insults and even if they could, they wouldn’t give a damn. They would be too busy trying to decide which tropical islands they would like to buy on a whim. With well over 50 million Wii’s already sold Nintendo can confidently claim that their console has been a success. Despite that, seemingly 90% of people who have access to the internet have an inherent dislike of their system. But going over the same tired arguments will serve little purpose. Yes, we know that by and large Wii games are visually unappealing, and that the game lacks quality games in certain genres and so on and so forth. Instead it seems more productive to highlight what Nintendo should have already done in order to give us more reasons to waggle. The DS sales actually make the Wii’s look modest by comparison. With around 112 million units sold it is well on its way to eventually hauling down the mammoth sales of the PS2, and overtaking the annual GDP of most developed nations on the way. Offering advice to Nintendo at this point could be construed as naïve, but like their competitors, their success doesn’t hide some blindingly obvious omissions. Nintendo are sitting at the head of the table anyway; it would be nice if they tossed us a bone now and then.
You may have noticed that I have omitted the Why don't they section? section for this blog. The reason is simple. I have no idea. Nintendo works in mysterious ways that we mere mortals cannot fathom. We can merely look on in confusion and dismay.
Make use of the peripherals
Why should they?
Not since the Dreamcast took over half of my house with plastic light-guns, keyboards, fishing rods and maracas has a console provided such a wide range of peripherals with limited use. The more insulting thing is that most of them are literally just shaped plastic. From the Mario Kart ‘steering wheel’ to the ‘Wii Zapper’ (don’t worry parents, it definitely isn’t a gun) and all the 3rd party Wii Sports clip-on tennis rackets, golf clubs and baseball bats, there are a spectacular number of ways to drown yourself with insignificant objects. But if you bought them then there is clearly no hope for you, so let’s move on.
Thousands of years of human evolution, the renaissance and the miracle of space travel have finally lead us to this point; a plastic tennis racket that serves no purpose
Instead I shall focus my ire on the peripherals that clearly do have some intrinsic value but that Nintendo push out the door then refuse to support. Wii Speak, by no means perfect (or even half-way decent), is nonetheless a functional way to communicate online. But wait, you actually want to use it? No problem. It works with a grand total of six games. That’s right. Count them. Except that one is only available in Japan. And two others haven’t been released yet. And only one of them is from Nintendo. Mario Kart and Smash Brothers, the most popular online Nintendo games of course do not support this feature. Nintendo has always developed its peripherals with one game in mind and then left everyone else to try to find a way in which to actually utilize them. Remember the N64 controller? Nintendo designed that specifically with Mario 64 in mind, conveniently forgetting that other genres existed, such as fighting games. After finally giving us 1:1 motion control with the Wii motion plus they simultaneously released Wii Sports Resort, which made excellent use of the technology. But should we expect them to give us any other games that exploit it? Not in the near future. We can but marvel at what kind of support the Wii Vitality sensor will receive, considering that even Nintendo doesn’t seem to have figured out what it is for yet.
"If you can think of any use for this, please don't hesitate to call the Nintendo Hotline. Our dedicated telephone operators are waiting night and day for your suggestions. Please."
Make it easier to download games
Why should they?
I guess that 10 years on from the point where Nintendo of America stopped making the SNES I can finally admit that it is dead. Except that it isn’t, because due to the wonders of the Virtual Console you can continue to buy SNES games and well as a vast collection of retro games from various consoles that half of you are probably playing on emulators for free anyway. So, applause for Nintendo? Sadly no. Although I’m sure that there are plenty of games that I would be willing to pay incredible sums of money in order to try and relieve my childhood and break the curse of aging, Nintendo doesn’t seem to want me to be able to find them without first undergoing a quest of some magnitude.
WiiWare? More like Wii WHERE? haha... umm... sorry...
Before I descend into ridiculous hyperbole let me put it simply; the interface for Nintendo’s online store is terrible. It is poorly designed and badly organized, and unless you know exactly what you want to buy, you have little chance of stumbling across a hidden gem. XBLA and PSN have weekly updates in which new games are highlighted and less well known but interesting games are promoted. Demos are offered, trailers and wallpapers are available and new information is constantly relayed to the user. I have no idea what Nintendo is doing because they don’t make the effort to tell me. I guess they could send information using the Wii’s messaging service but seeing as every time I turn on my Wii I am inundated by such useful information as the fact that I played Wii Fit for 5 minutes last night, it would be unlikely to grab my attention. Wiiware has been a death knell for many a promising indie game and it isn’t hard to imagine that many would rather take their chances in the busier waters of Sony and Microsoft’s services rather than dehydrate in the wilderness of Nintendo’s desert.
Give us a reason to buy the DSi
Why should they?
Only a few days ago I was attacking the PSP Go on its price point, but at least I can see why it exists. The DSi has yet to provide me with a hint as to its purpose. The two cameras are conceptually a very interesting idea, but when we learned that they were 0.3 megapixels I’m sure I’m not the only person who assumed that it was a typo. My three year old phone has a 5 megapixel camera. So the cameras are clearly not supposed to be used in order to take photographs but rather in order to provide new elements of gameplay. But with only a few doing so to date and most developers obviously working on games that will be able to be played on the more widely used DSlite, the cameras remain as potential for now.
This looks fun. Rest assured it is not.
As I really appreciate the downloadable focus of the PSP Go and the strong support Sony has shown for it by making so many games available online at launch, the lack of downloadable games on the DSi is made to look even more emaciated. There are some interesting games that are worthy of attention but seeing as Nintendo has the gall to sell chunks of full retail games such as Master of Illusions, my confidence in the direction the service has taken is hardly bolstered. Like the cameras, there is a lot of potential for excellent and imaginative titles, like the wonderful (and free) Flipnote Studio. Unfortunately there is also room for the Mario clock and calculator (both 2 dollars).
So that is it for the trilogy. Thank you for bearing with me through this arduous slog. If you thought I was too lenient on the Big N let me know of anything I missed in the comments section. Thought I was too harsh? If you want to see a spirited defense of Nintendo be sure to check out Top 5: stupid reasons to hate the Wii. And for Wii owners out there, we get New Super Mario Wii soon! Can't wait.
