My Top 5 Top 5s
For my 30th Top 5 blog post special I decided to feature an article so unashamedly narcissistic that it would make Liberace blush. In a display of spectacular self love, perhaps only topped by the famous incident involving a member of INXS, I have decided to mark this historic occasion by featuring my favorite Top 5s of my own Top 5s. The arrogance I’m sure takes your breath away, or at least evokes mild retching, but bear with me.
As you may or may not know, I have an unnatural attraction to the Top 5 format. I could go on about modern day pop culture glorifying the act of ranking and categorization, but to be honest its just laziness on my part. I don’t have to think hard about article structure and it gives me free rein to shoe-horn in all the quips and snide asides that I set out to make. More ridiculous perhaps should be that I’m celebrating posts when some people on my friends list have made over 4000 (you know who you are). So when I finally get to that stage I will have had 80 ‘special edition blogs’. You have been warned.
5 – Top 5 women to warp the minds of teenage boys
Pure fluff, in classic form. When there is nothing else relevant to talk about in the gaming industry, something about videogame women is bound to surface. The title promises T and A, which is referenced in the article, but was more so that I could squeeze in a reference to Portal. I tend to be far too inspired/affected by the most recent media I have been exposed to, and having completed Portal I wanted to mention something about it. This article was therefore more a form of therapy for dealing with mother issues that GLaDOS stirred within my soul. The four virtual sex symbols that surrounded her were just decoys. But the article did spark my fascination with Kasumi from DOA who would go on to feature in a couple more of these lists.
4 - Top 5 stupid reasons to hate the 360/PS3/Wii
If you want a title that is sure to have people spitting blood, this is a pretty decent template. This trilogy of Top 5s stands out because unlike the others, there are some coherent and legitimate points concealed within it. The responses to it were interesting to me as not everyone took it as I had originally intended, although my perception of them also changed as they were being written. At first I wanted to show how ridiculous the most common complaints about each system were and to argue against them. However, as it may be quite clear, some of the points are pretty tough to challenge. The Wii having comparatively bad graphics for example. Or Playstation Home being worth the investment of time and resources that it has thus far demanded. But, like a man attempting to fight off a horde of zombies armed merely with a piece of stilton cheese, I struggled valiantly against the odds.
3 - Top 5 signs you play too many dating simulations
This was born out of one magical experience I had on my first trip to Japan. I had always been intrigued by Japanese dating simulations, obviously partly due to the impenetrable barrier of the language. So when I went to Japan I took the most logical course of action. I got my friend to come to an internet café with me for a whole day and asked her to translate as we played one of the Tokimi Memorial games. It was an enlightening experience for both of us, and the lessons that I learned were directly applied to this Top 5. So savor these pearls of wisdom. The most uncomfortable part of playing the game was when we found the seriously ill girl who had been hospitalized. Your character is a University student and this girl, the sister of one of your University friends, is only a junior high school student. We went to visit her every day because, unlike the other love interests, we always knew that she would be in the same place. At first she was gratified for the company, then concerned, then worried, then suspicious. Then one day, she was no longer there. She had been transferred to another hospital. Take heed people and learn from Tokimi Memorial people.
2 - Top 5 genres Natal will ruin
Another, predictably provocative title, but fun to write nonetheless. My actual feelings towards Natal are fairly ambivalent, a sort of ‘wait and see’ policy, but seeing as I’m a new gadget whore I will probably pick it up at launch. Still, there is no reason why I can’t be venomously offensive about it, right? As with most Top 5s, I started by simply wanting to show how ridiculous it was that Microsoft had demoed the technology using Burnout as an example. Having written it I feel that two things are far more important. Firstly, a pub fighting game would be incredibly fun. Secondly, erotic Japanese games are about to get much, much more involving.
1 - Top 5 things from Street Fighter that you should never do in a real fight
In a sense one of the worst of the Top 5s you will find anywhere on the internet. It is pretty much unrelated to anything of any relevance. Despite that it has a strong place in my heart. Why? I’m not sure exactly, but I think either it was the opportunity to put a huge picture of R.Mika in an article, or the image of Akuma rather unsporting stomping on Ryu’s junk when he lay unconscious on the ground that made me burst out laughing.
I apologize once more for this ridiculous blog post, but I couldn’t help myself. Sorry!
As you may or may not know, I have an unnatural attraction to the Top 5 format. I could go on about modern day pop culture glorifying the act of ranking and categorization, but to be honest its just laziness on my part. I don’t have to think hard about article structure and it gives me free rein to shoe-horn in all the quips and snide asides that I set out to make. More ridiculous perhaps should be that I’m celebrating posts when some people on my friends list have made over 4000 (you know who you are). So when I finally get to that stage I will have had 80 ‘special edition blogs’. You have been warned.
5 – Top 5 women to warp the minds of teenage boys
Pure fluff, in classic form. When there is nothing else relevant to talk about in the gaming industry, something about videogame women is bound to surface. The title promises T and A, which is referenced in the article, but was more so that I could squeeze in a reference to Portal. I tend to be far too inspired/affected by the most recent media I have been exposed to, and having completed Portal I wanted to mention something about it. This article was therefore more a form of therapy for dealing with mother issues that GLaDOS stirred within my soul. The four virtual sex symbols that surrounded her were just decoys. But the article did spark my fascination with Kasumi from DOA who would go on to feature in a couple more of these lists.
4 - Top 5 stupid reasons to hate the 360/PS3/Wii
If you want a title that is sure to have people spitting blood, this is a pretty decent template. This trilogy of Top 5s stands out because unlike the others, there are some coherent and legitimate points concealed within it. The responses to it were interesting to me as not everyone took it as I had originally intended, although my perception of them also changed as they were being written. At first I wanted to show how ridiculous the most common complaints about each system were and to argue against them. However, as it may be quite clear, some of the points are pretty tough to challenge. The Wii having comparatively bad graphics for example. Or Playstation Home being worth the investment of time and resources that it has thus far demanded. But, like a man attempting to fight off a horde of zombies armed merely with a piece of stilton cheese, I struggled valiantly against the odds.
3 - Top 5 signs you play too many dating simulations
This was born out of one magical experience I had on my first trip to Japan. I had always been intrigued by Japanese dating simulations, obviously partly due to the impenetrable barrier of the language. So when I went to Japan I took the most logical course of action. I got my friend to come to an internet café with me for a whole day and asked her to translate as we played one of the Tokimi Memorial games. It was an enlightening experience for both of us, and the lessons that I learned were directly applied to this Top 5. So savor these pearls of wisdom. The most uncomfortable part of playing the game was when we found the seriously ill girl who had been hospitalized. Your character is a University student and this girl, the sister of one of your University friends, is only a junior high school student. We went to visit her every day because, unlike the other love interests, we always knew that she would be in the same place. At first she was gratified for the company, then concerned, then worried, then suspicious. Then one day, she was no longer there. She had been transferred to another hospital. Take heed people and learn from Tokimi Memorial people.
2 - Top 5 genres Natal will ruin
Another, predictably provocative title, but fun to write nonetheless. My actual feelings towards Natal are fairly ambivalent, a sort of ‘wait and see’ policy, but seeing as I’m a new gadget whore I will probably pick it up at launch. Still, there is no reason why I can’t be venomously offensive about it, right? As with most Top 5s, I started by simply wanting to show how ridiculous it was that Microsoft had demoed the technology using Burnout as an example. Having written it I feel that two things are far more important. Firstly, a pub fighting game would be incredibly fun. Secondly, erotic Japanese games are about to get much, much more involving.
1 - Top 5 things from Street Fighter that you should never do in a real fight
In a sense one of the worst of the Top 5s you will find anywhere on the internet. It is pretty much unrelated to anything of any relevance. Despite that it has a strong place in my heart. Why? I’m not sure exactly, but I think either it was the opportunity to put a huge picture of R.Mika in an article, or the image of Akuma rather unsporting stomping on Ryu’s junk when he lay unconscious on the ground that made me burst out laughing.
I apologize once more for this ridiculous blog post, but I couldn’t help myself. Sorry!
