You say you want an evolution

I recently watched the made for TV movie ‘Turtles Forever’. I’m not especially proud of that, but as a devoted fan of the cartoon when I was a kid, the concept was too intriguing to pass up. Through a dimensional portal accident (wasn’t that always the way) the 1987 versions of the Turtles were transported into the dimension of the current darker iteration of the characters. Capers and hi-jinks of course ensued culminating in both sets of Turtles ending up in ‘Turtle Prime’ which contained the original, Frank Miller inspired, Eastman and Laird’s Ninja Turtles. Spoiler alert; the universe was saved.



The movie itself was mildly entertaining but the most interesting aspect was seeing how much the characters had evolved. The basic story elements are essentially the same between the three iterations that span more than twenty years, but the tone is vastly different. That point was the main source of the humor within the show, as the current Turtles struggled to deal with their far goofier 1987 counterparts. So whilst the current turtles actually use their weapons to attack human opponents, the 1987 version are shown battling the robotic Foot Soldiers with large boulders, trash cans and stalactites. Oh, and apparently pizza is off the menu for the health conscious Turtle of today.

Comic books have always reinvented their characters in order to make them more relevant to a new audience, and in the case of particularly long running franchises, in order to provide a new origin and alter the nature of the character. Videogames on the other hand, have been less successful in their attempts to redefine their characters and the most successful long running series have relied on protagonists that have core personality traits or abilities that remain unchanged to this day. Mario is one of the most iconic mascots in gaming and part of his appeal is that he has changed little from his debut in appearance and personality. Personality is rather generous word to use for the man when he boils down to run, jump and save princess but the key element is that whilst he doesn’t change, his environments do. Not dramatically, as the Mushroom Kingdom is still his usual stomping ground, but Mario Galaxy was an interesting place to take the series and has a more ethereal feel to it, emphasized by its beautiful soundtrack and story book narrative device. The Mario RPG games provide a more tongue in cheek look at the Mario Universe and help to keep it entertaining through its parody of the traditional Mario platform games.



A character which has suffered as a result of attempts to keep him relevant is Mario’s formerly bitter rival Sonic. The problem with Sonic was that perhaps the developers never really understood what made Sonic so popular. Even in the early 90s I remember reading in gaming magazines about Sonic’s favorite foods and extreme sports which he indulged in when he wasn’t out collecting Chaos Emeralds. The reason Sonic was a good character was that he ran fast; simple as that. The appealing thing about his ‘attitude’ wasn’t that he liked pizza or skydiving, it was that if you left him waiting he would tap his foot impatiently. He just wanted to run, and anything else was a distraction. Unfortunately the focus on his ‘extreme’ attitude lead to some poor decisions with the direction of the franchise, such as Sonic Riders and the Shadow the Hedgehog shooting game. Let’s not even bring up the Hedgehog-Human romance in The Xbox 360 and PS3 game Sonic the Hedgehog.



The schizophrenic personality shifts of The Prince of Persia character is an interesting case of just how much the evolution of character depends on market forces. The 2003 re-imagining of the classic 1989 game was critically lauded but fared poorly at retail. Whilst it was a great game, the real appeal of the game for many was the witty and charismatic character of The Prince combined with the charming and whimsical world in which it was set. It failed to sell well for a number of reasons but it was decided that in order to appeal to a broader audience, the personality of The Prince would have to be altered dramatically as well as the tone of the game. So for 2004’s The Warrior Within we saw a brooding, vengeful, gothic figure with all the charm and wit of a block of granite. Cue despair from the reviewers, but greater financial success. The next year The Two Thrones was released and featured a balance of the tones of the two previous games. Within three years, three Prince of Persia games had been released featuring the same character with three alternate personalities. Although I appreciate the evolution of a character, the rapid emotional shifts caused by financial concerns as opposed to artistic decisions rankles somewhat.



The videogame industry has often struggled with how to update and reinvent its older franchises and for every success story like the PS1 Metal Gear, we have a 360 and PS3 Bionic Commando. And whilst the Metal Gear franchise should be lauded for always evolving the character and the plot, it leads to the inevitable aging and ‘end’ for that version of the character. There can still be prequels and spin offs from the current version, but would gamers be willing to accept a reboot of the franchise itself? After a period of time perhaps. But the luxury of time is something not granted to developers when it involves leaving a successful franchise alone. They are in need of a steady stream of profitable games featuring recognizable characters. Whilst cartoons and comics appear week in week out, games that continue a series appear less frequently, requiring them to evoke a sense of familiarity with the characters, and making shifts in personality only serves to alienate fans of the series.



Oddly enough, the Resident Evil series is one of the best examples of a natural evolution in personality of its cast members. Protagonists don’t often appear in the next game, thus giving the characters a period of unseen time in order to develop their personality. The change from the nervous and uncertain rookie cop Leon Kennedy in Resident Evil 2 to the capable and confident Secret Service Agent Leon Kennedy of Resident Evil 4 is entirely plausible; a rarity in videogames.

Top 5: Worst DLC of 2009

Remember the horse armor controversy back in 2006? Remember how ridiculous it seemed to pack 2.50 dollars of real money for what was essentially a minor cosmetic change? What a blessing it is that we no longer have to deal with that nonsense. The developers learned from their mistakes and would never try to exploit consumers with overpriced content which could easily have been included as a free download patch. Now in 2009 the DLC distribution method has matured to the point where all DLC is significant and represents value for money. This relatively new method of providing us with additional content for the games we love has strengthened the bond between the industry and the community.
(Cough)
Now onto the Top 5: Worst DLC of 2009.

Street Fighter IV costume packs


Street Fighter IV has been one of the great success stories of the year, reinvigorating not only the franchise which had started to slip into obscurity, but arguably the entire genre. It certainly rekindled my love for a game which had been a huge part of the reason I got into gaming. The free downloadable Championship Mode brought some excellent changes to the online portion of the game by introducing a tiered structure that allowed better match making and a more tangible sense of progression than the previous points system. Enough gushing. If you wanted to buy the new alternative costumes as they were released Capcom were going to rinse you out of an extra 20 bucks. As a further kick in the teeth to the most loyal and dedicated fans who bought each pack upon its release, the whole set was later released for 12.50. Which is still too much. It’s true that a couple of the costumes, such as Akuma and Blanka’s, were interesting and well designed, but others such as Ryu, Ken and Abel’s added little for the money you were paying. Seeing as you couldn’t buy them individually there were bound to be a couple that didn’t interest you. To add salt to the wound it was around this time that we started to see some of the incredible modded characters that PC gamers were making on their version of the game.



Better or worse than horse armor? : Better. It isn’t a particularly high bar to set admittedly, but seeing Dan decked out in protective padding was pretty fun. And I’m sure Chun Li’s alternate costume cause the hearts and loins of prepubescent boys to stir as much as she did the first time we saw her gargantuan thighs in rough pixilated form almost twenty years ago.

The avatar lightsaber



There are plenty of virtual pieces of clothing or accessories that could have made this list, but I have to go with the lightsaber due to the fact that it is clearly overpriced and pointless but nonetheless must have sold gangbusters. Why? It’s a bloody lightsaber that’s why. No matter how fiscally responsible we may be 90% of the time, there is still a part of our deep seated subconscious that takes over whenever lightsabers are involved. This inner demon smothers our ability to reason, chokes our sense of proportion and garrotes our rationality. Yes it is 5 dollars for a virtual item; yes it can only be seen on the dashboard; yes it has no functionality; yes it was probably made with the most minimal amount of effort by a single programmer and the cost of development is staggeringly disproportionate to the profit it will make… but it’s a lightsaber. Somewhere in a Lucas Ranch far, far away George Lucas is cackling maniacally as he floats in a golden swimming pool shaped like Jar Jar Bink’s head paid for entirely by avatar lightsabers.

Better or worse than horse armor? : Worse. It’s a close call but paying 5 dollars for something useless is worse than paying 2.50 for something useless.

High Velocity Bowling



It was hard to choose between Pain and High Velocity bowling as to which had the worst downloadable characters, but I had to go with High Velocity Bowling because of the cringeworthy quotes that accompanied the release of the additional characters.

Bruce ‘Flyboy’ Fitzpatrick, according to Brandon Akiaten of Team RamRod, "is a flamboyant flight attendant from New York, New York who happens to be fantastic in the lane. He’s definitely earned the nickname ‘Flyboy’ and has proven to have fabulous ball control. Though, his downfall is that he cares more about his precious manicure than pin action … so it’s nothing but light balls for him."

Carmen ‘Sordida’ Sanchez, according to Brandon Akiaten of Team RamRod, "is from San Ysidro, California, and with a chip on her shoulder, she has much to prove. She’ll do anything to win even if it requires dirty tactics. Carmen refuses to wear bowling shoes and as a result, her form leaves a lot to be desired."

Although the game was released at the end of 2007 it keeps on getting DLC and thus earns its place of honor on the list. Some one, some where has bought every single one of these DLC characters. You know who you are.

Better or worse than horse armor? : Better, if the combination of ‘flamboyant’ and ‘balls’ in a single sentence reduces you to uncontrollable tears of laughter, followed by a shortness of breath due to the screams of joy emanating from within, culminating in bowel release as the full impact of the hilarity strikes your central nervous system. Worse if it doesn’t.

Joining the Elite of Madden



EA has made some ‘bold’ decisions with its DLC for sports games. For ‘bold’ feel free to substitute your favorite expletive. Paying for cheat codes that had been a part of their franchises since the 16 bit era was the first of many dubious moves. But for 2009 they found a new and innovative way to squeeze those extra pennies out of the Average Joe/Joe Six Pack/ Joe the Plumber. Madden 2010 offered the Elite Status DLC for the generous price of 5 dollars. So what does it mean to be in the Elite? For the meager price of 5 bones EA permits you to play online with the All-Madden difficulty. Not a new difficulty mode I should hasten to add, it is available in offline modes. But if you want to be ‘hardcore’ and play against the ‘best of the best’ on the ‘roughest and toughest’ online setting, you have to pay for the privilege. Oh, and your online ID appears in gold text. Perhaps that will be of some consolation. Instead of having to face the realization that EA has made you pay 5 dollars to unlock an already available difficulty level online, you can comfort yourself with the thought that you have purchased a new color of font. Yay.

Better or worse than horse armor? : Elite Status is so conceptually baffling that I find it difficult to compare it to anything. Better because it does something I guess. Worse because it sets a dangerous precedent for the future.

Resident Evil 5 Versus Mode



Compared to the other entries on the list Versus Mode is an absolute bargain. It adds an entirely different online experience with numerous options, unlockable characters, and potentially hours and hours of extra entertainment from an already excellent game. Moreover it costs the equivalent of a back-breaking double set of horse armor, a contribution to the George Lucas pool fund, five stereotypes or some bling-bling text. It only makes the list for being very, very cheeky. I started downloading it and decided to have a cigarette to pass the time before I could try it out. In the time it took me to light my cigarette it had already downloaded. Although I have a pretty fast internet connection it seems questionable that all of this ‘new content’ could be downloaded nearly instantaneously. We are truly in the age of paying for DLC already on the disc.

Better or worse than horse armor? : Better, but still very cheeky. And whilst Americans had to pay 5 dollars for it, Europeans as usual paid a little more at 6.50 (must be the cost of shipping to the EU). The Japanese on the other hand only hand only had to pay 2.50 because it was believed that they would be less interested in online play. Glad to see the pricing structure is fair anyway, eh?

Top 5: 'Exclusive' multiplatform games

The Big Guns Exclusive



E3 keynote presentations have become notorious for cringeworthy moments. The silence which greeted Kaz Hirai’s announcement of the Playstation 3’s price point was a memorable one. Anything Cammie Dunaway did at her E3 debut was another. But surely the most epic was at Microsoft’s 2006 press conference where Peter Moore showed us his guns that bore tattoos of Halo and GTA IV. 1% of twelve year old kids watching on live stream were desperate to know how they could get those sweet tattoos. Everyone else was too busy biting their bottom lip to stop themselves from crying with laughter. So what could cause a man to temporarily scar his body with a game logo? Had Microsoft spent the annual GDP of Luxembourg in order to acquire Rockstar’s most lucrative license? “This” said Peter, chomping on a cigar with his eyes bulging dramatically, “means we have a day one release of GTA IV on the 360!” Then he tore off his shirt, flung it into the audience and bellowed in triumph. This rampant display of machismo was in fact to celebrate the fact that the 360 version of Grand Theft Auto would launch on the same day as the Playstation 3.



The significance of this shouldn’t be understated as the franchise had until that point been intrinsically linked with the Playstation brand. Of more importance though were the two 360 exclusive DLC packs that cost Microsoft a cool 50 million. As a result of this, and a much larger user base, the 360 version sold far more its Playstation 3 counterpart. Will it remain exclusive? Observers remain divided on this subject but essentially it matters little now. With the release of The Ballad of Gay Tony the world has moved on from GTA IV. A 2010 release on the Playstation 3 wouldn’t have a great deal of impact. Still, when a man was willing to give us tickets to the gun show to relay the importance of an exclusive DLC pack, we realized that whilst huge 3rd party exclusives were becoming a thing of the past, DLC was the fanboy bragging rights of the future.

The Timed Exclusive

The one month exclusivity deal on Rockband 2 seems ludicrously petty in retrospect. Or even at the time. Whatever Microsoft paid Harmonix for their one month head start on the Playstation and Wii versions of the game was surely meaningless. It was just about the stupidest, crotch grabbing gesture in an industry which has become rather overwhelmed by them as of late. At least it would have been, if Sony and Atari hadn’t topped that feat.



“It doesn’t get and bigger and better than this blockbuster title.” What game could Sony’s European Product Marketing Director have possibly been referring to? Had Sony’s convinced Bungie to release Halo Reach on Playstation 3? Was Infinity Ward scrapping Modern Warfare 2 for 360? No. It was Ghostbusters. Sony secured Ghostbusters as a five month exclusive in Europe. Cue plenty of backslapping and self congratulation in Sony Europe, and bewilderment, confusion and pity from everyone else. The game had already been made; Sony had just thrown a bit of money at Atari in order to spite the few hardcore Ghostbusters fans in Europe who had been anticipating the game. In the pantheon of pointless dick moves, this one ranks pretty damn high. Glad to see those Sony Europe executives were earning their keep.

The 360 Exclusive.................................. that's also coming to PC



The PC is of course not dying, as 11 million World of Warcraft subscribers might be quick to remind you. So why should Microsoft, who has much to gain from the continued success of the platform, insist on treating it like an unwanted stepchild? If the PC market is mentioned it is done so briefly and with some distaste before they can then refocus the topic to its more beloved child, the 360. Take as an example Mass Effect.

"The thing we can tell you about the future of Mass Effect very simply is that there's going to be a trilogy; we've been on record in the past as saying we want that whole trilogy to be on the console", BioWare's Greg Zeschuk told GameDaily.
“Our focus is pure and simple; it's to deliver the best game possible for our fans with Mass Effect, and that's an Xbox 360 exclusive. Microsoft's a great partner...and they've really helped build the value of the product and we're proud to work with them."

After a long pause I imagine someone whispering in his ear before he turns back to the interviewer and blurts out, “Ohyeahandbythewayit’salsocomingoutonPC.”

The 'It's never coming to another conso... oh wait it just did' Exclusive



Bioshock was a 360 exclusive and there was no way in hell that it would ever see the light of day as a PS3 title. In fact as Ken Levine put it,

“I promise you, there is no secret plan about the PS3 that we’re keeping from people. There’s no PS3 development going on that we’re hiding. There’s lots of stuff that gets into game code, plans change over time and we got an exclusive deal with Microsoft … that’s not a Rosetta Stone discovery.”

He obviously had his fingers crossed at the time. One year later the game was released on the Playstation 3. I shouldn’t have been especially surprised about this, but I do feel a little deceived. I bought a 360 to sit alongside my PS3 in order to ensure that I could play this ground-breaking game. Whilst I don’t regret that purchase, there is still a lingering sense of bitterness over the concept of ‘exclusives' that stems from this game.

The Head Decapitation Exclusive



The jewel in the crown of the ‘exclusive’ multiplatform could never really be in doubt. I refer of course to the Gamecube classic, Resident Evil 4. The director Shinji Mikami was so certain that the game would remain a Gamecube exclusive that he said he would cut-off his own head if it were ever released on the Playstation 2. Just over nine months later the game was released on the Playstation 2, yet to this day Shinji Mikami’s head remains firmly upon his shoulders. At least the man has a sense of humor. In God Hand, another game he directed, one of the racing dogs was called ‘Shinji Mikami’s head’

Your flight has been delayed...

The airport scene in Modern Warfare 2 has been described by many as a harrowing or affecting experience. Before I discuss that scene, I would like to bring up a far more uncomfortable moment that I experienced in Treyarch’s game Call of Duty World at War. I had an English friend and some Japanese friends over at my house playing some games when my English friend saw World at War and was interested to see the game in action. Being pretty thoughtless at times, I popped it in and started a new story mode. For those who haven’t played the game, the opening sequence involves your American character as a prisoner of war witnessing the brutal torture and execution of one of your comrades by your Japanese captors. We played the game for less than five minutes then, feeling painfully embarrassed, quit the game and moved on to something else.

Obviously this was a rather large cultural faux pas, but I never discussed how my friends felt about the situation. As close as we are it still seemed like to difficult a subject to broach. But I was surprised to learn afterwards that although World at War was never released in Japan, Medal of Honor: Rising Sun was. There were rumors (later proven to be unfounded) that Russian game stores had removed Modern Warfare 2 from their shelves. Some people feel that, if it were true, it would be an overreaction. So we come to the rather sticky dilemma; should we see the release of historically and culturally sensitive games as tasteless? Or as a triumph of freedom of expression and allowing adults the ability to make their own decisions on the content they are exposed to? Most people would probably agree with the second statement, but perhaps the reality is more unpalatable if the shoe were to be on the other foot.



Imagine instead, ignoring how radically different the plot would be, that the airport scene was set in America as opposed to Russia. Would you be more affected witnessing, or even participating in, the murder of innocent civilians? Of course there shouldn’t be a difference between nationalities of civilians but it is difficult to claim that the scene wouldn’t carry more impact if the people were of the same nationality as the player. Although the airport scene in particular has incited some controversy within the media I would expect the furore to be far greater if the scene in question was in JFK airport.

This leads to inevitable but misleading comparisons to games such as Grand Theft Auto. Why should the airport scene be so traumatic when, as the media has often pointed out, you can also kill innocent people in GTA? It depends on the person as to their response, but certainly the fact that the airport scene is a scripted event in which you have no ability to alter the eventual course of the mission makes a difference. Because the event is scripted and the outcome cannot be altered, the emotional response of the player to the situation is the most interesting aspect. In my case I sadly knew roughly what occurred at that point in the game before I played it, and as such I never really tried to prevent it by attacking any of the terrorists. I did however restrict myself to shooting at corpses and purposefully missed the innocents, but in a sense I don’t really know why. Whether you kill as many as you can or don’t fire a single shot the result doesn’t change. I also would be interested to know what other people did in this situation and why.



Essentially the ‘What if’ scenario that I’m postulating is whether you would play a game in which you played as an army in direct opposition to your own country. If instead of being an America soldier being tortured in a Japanese prisoner of war camp you could play as a Taliban freedom fighter being waterboarded in Guantanamo bay. If Six days in Fallujah had you play as an Iraqi. If were a Nazi soldier during the Second World War.

That is a lot of questions and I can provide few answers. I don’t imagine that there will be many high profile games that do approach first person perspective war games from the other side of the fence so we may never know. I only know that playing World at War in front of Japanese people is an experience that I am not keen on repeating in the future.

The 2nd highest rated game of all time

The highest rated game of all time is The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. What do you think the second highest rated game of all time (according to metacritic) could possibly be? The shocking answer is Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 2. Released back in 2000 to universal acclaim, this game consumed countless hours of my life and led to a near death experience. But more on that later.



The Tony Hawk license has become so tainted in recent years that it’s hard to remember the time when each new installment was awaited with breathless anticipation. The game reinvigorated the flagging popularity of skateboarding and increased interest in the lifestyle and accoutrements surrounding it. So for better or for worse it briefly led to an increase in the percentage of kids wearing baggy ripped jeans that hung around their knees, hoodies bearing references to chemical consumption and hair so unkempt and bedraggled that hobos would shake their heads disapprovingly. Tony Hawk’s Ride, due to be released next week, comes with a skateboard peripheral which leaves us wondering why at this point we don’t just go outside and actually start skateboarding. The series, once shiny and new, has been hit hard by the brutal double team of Father Time and Mother Nature. It is being tipped by some journalists as the potentially biggest flop of the year. Enough about its rocky present, let’s go back to its glorious past.



The real genius of Tony Hawk 2 is that despite appearing to be a video game about skateboarding, it is really a video game about video games. It is gaming at its purest, in which the aim is to accumulate as high a score as possible within a time limit. Though it may tell you through an onscreen prompt that you are doing an ollie or a kickflip, in fact you are simply triggering a multiplier in a mathematical equation which is calculating the combination of your dexterity, decision making skills and technical ability. Repetition of tricks leads to smaller rewards, thus encouraging experimentation of combinations and even within the restricted levels, exploration was key to achieving the highest scores through triggering certain environmental bonuses. In fact one of the reasons the game became less appealing to me in later iterations was their focus on expanding the playing field; in the limited space greater ingenuity and guile were needed and it related more closely to a classic score attack game.

Well, having made the game sound as dull as an algebra lecture being given by Ben Affleck I think its time to move on to the game’s style. The wrapping of this hardcore score attack game was something which both drew gamers to it and repelled others from it. For those who were intrigued by the skating lifestyle there was much to appreciate. It had a cool and appropriate soundtrack including Rage Against the Machine, Millencolin, Public Enemy and Bad Religion at a time when licensed music was a rarity in video games, featured a lot of professional skateboarders and clips of their videos (and bails), and best of all it had Spiderman in it, still perhaps the most fun secret character in any game I have played. For those not interested in the skateboarding lifestyle it had a terrible soundtrack including a bunch of talentless kids screaming about the pain of life and featured douchebags you had never heard of getting paid far too much money to fall over and act like immature teenagers. But at least it had Spiderman. For those who were conceptually against it, they missed out on one of the most finely honed games of the console generation.



Owning it on the Dreamcast was in hindsight a poor choice. The Dreamcast had perhaps the worst D-pad in the history of gaming, and with Tony Hawk requiring rapid and constant D-pad movement (the analogue control was less responsive), my thumb was cut to shreds on a regular basis and required me to take alternate days off from the game. Unfortunately it was during one of these thumb resting alternate days that, having been inspired by my love of the game and my newfound appreciation of skateboarding culture, I decided to try it for real. I borrowed my brother’s skateboard and set off outside, with no prior experience, for a skate around my village. My village happens to have a lot of steep tarmaced hills and blind corners around it, but emboldened by my ability at the game I felt sure that a baptism of fire would be the best way to instantly develop the skill of skating. At this point I should probably mention that whilst I like playing sports, I never even learned how to ride a bicycle due to my poor balance. The adventure that followed was a mixture of frustration, embarrassment, and numerous face-to-tarmac introductions. I finally decided to call it quits when I gained enough momentum to head downhill at a decent pace only to have a car pull round the corner in front of me. Seeing as I had not yet mastered the 180 nosegrab, my only way to prevent myself from slamming into the car was by leaping sideways off the board and into a bush. It was at that point I decided that skateboarding was not for me.

Ah the foolishness of youth… except that I was actually 16 or 17 at the time…

Found in Translation

Have you ever watched Samurai Pizza Cats? That classic anime was as much a part of my childhood as Transformers or the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Yet even when I watched it I never really paid much attention as to what was actually going on. Vague memories of a building that morphed into a gun, power suits and a cute female cat that made me feel funny inside were all I could recall. Recently I decided to watch some episodes again, partially out of curiosity and partly to confront my deepest fear that I have a furry fetish, and discovered to my surprise that the show was actually really funny. It was a revelation, somewhat similar I guess to people re-watching Simpson’s episodes from their youth and realizing that a lot of the jokes are targeted at an adult audience. Much of the humor comes from the fact that whilst the show originally aired in Japan, it was being broadcast in America. The cultural reference points being very different, the show is often self-referential and is fully aware of the ridiculous nature of the situation.

Upon doing a little research, a rather grandiose term for Wikipedia, I learned that whilst the translation team had been provided with tapes of the show, they weren’t given transcripts. This combined with the fact that much of the original dialogue made numerous references to Japanese culture led to them writing new scripts which bore few similarities to the Japanese version. The result was comic genius in which the characters voice their frustration at not being able to read the Japanese writing in the background and in one case the Narrator reading the wrong script.

Enough of your ramble down memory lane I hear you cry, what does this have to do with games? Well the same point is applicable to video games. We have come a long way from the early days of localizing Japanese games in which the companies janitor armed with a Japanese to English dictionary would attempt to retell a 50 hour RPG. Instead we have come to the point where for major releases dual language tracks are recorded in tandem and translation teams have finally realized that a having a sense of humor related to Western points of reference is as important as being bilingual. PS2 game God Hand features many references to American pop culture including Clerks, Star Wars, 50 Cent, Christopher Walken and even the Dukes of Hazard.



With the Japanese gaming industry aiming to appeal more to a Western audience recently, it is refreshing to still see some games that previously would have been deemed ‘too Japanese’ being localized for a Western release. Game Center CX is one such example, and although the name may be familiar to fans of Shinya Arino’s cult TV show, most people would have no idea that it is based on a Japanese show which documents a comedian trying to beat incredibly difficult retro games in a limited period of time. Instead with the localization they enlisted the aid of real video game journalists (with pseudonyms) and put their images into the in-game magazines that your character can peruse. 1UP’s former Editorial Director Dan Hsu features as Dan Sock for example. Despite the low sales of the game, it was nonetheless a bold attempt to give, what is considered a niche title even in Japan, some relevance to a Western audience.



We have to also salute the fan translators who worked tireless with no financial reward. Before Japan cared about selling their games overseas, their passion led to investing vast amounts of their own time in talking games that seemed unlikely to see a Western release, Final Fantasy III for the NES being the most famous example. Released in 1990, it was only officially released overseas in a 2006 DS remake. An ambition fan translation project meant that those without an excellent knowledge of Japanese could understand the game a mere nine years after its release in Japan.

Although we should rightly celebrate the ready availability of Japanese games translated coherently into English, we should also celebrate the early efforts that will remain timeless due to their unintentional hilarity. We salute you.

Confessions of a Ken player

Worse than telling a lover you used to be another gender. Worse than telling your girlfriend you have a highly contagious STD. Worse than telling your conservative Mormon family that you are gay. Worse than all of these things, is telling a serious Street Fighter fan that your favorite character is Ken Masters. Yet that is what I am doing today. I come not on my hands and knees begging for forgiveness, but with an outstretched hand looking for understanding. I am here to humanize the faceless, reprehensible masses that always choose Ken. As you scream abuse at your online opponent for picking the ‘same bastard as every other punk noob’, and prepare to face off against your fifth Ken in a row, bear in mind that behind every Ken Masters is a real person. And one who probably isn’t that good at the game.

The odd thing is that in a sense I never really had a choice about which character I was going to be due to my relationship with my older brother. I idolized him, copied everything he did and liked everything he liked, but as a result I always got second pick. He chose the Decepticons so I was the Autobots; he was Cobra so I was G.I. Joe; he was Ryu so I was Ken. Besides showing that my brother had an inherent fascination with evil, it showed how natural it was that my choice of character was a mirror image of his. Ryu was quiet and brooding whilst Ken was brash and arrogant, but essentially they were two sides of the same coin. But since that was about eighteen years ago perhaps I should look to justify my love of Ken Masters a little more eloquently.



I have been faithful to Ken for all of the eighteen years we have known each other. I can’t claim to be a perfect monogamist. I have strayed from the true path in the past, experimenting with the sultry pout of Cammy, the rippling thighs of Chun-Li, the rock hard abs of Fei-Long and even the Jack-booted eroticism of Bison, but I can’t help but come back to Ken. It just feels so comfortable and familiar, like putting on a pair of warm gloves. Every time a new iteration in the Street Fighter is released it is like a reunion with an old friend and the ebb and flow of his moves and the roll of the arcade stick is almost instinctive. I know exactly what his capabilities are and thus in a competitive match, victory feels not like a mindless spamming of special moves but the sense of tactically outmaneuvering an opponent using an extension of the body. My awkward high school studentesque fumbling whilst playing with Cammy means that victory is largely down to playing an inferior foe, or fluking a win. I have tried to leave him before, but in the end I am at my happiest playing Street Fighter when it is with Ken. It sounds ridiculous I know, and I too have often questioned my sanity when I notice that I’m using one character 95% of the time. With another twenty or so characters left to watch despondently from the sidelines it makes me wonder why I am really that excited about Super Street Fighter IV.

Back story isn’t especially important in the fighting genre but Ken is certainly one of the more fleshed out characters in the Street Fighter universe. His fraternal bond with Ryu is central to the game, and their relationship based on a fierce rivalry makes for one of the more relatable aspects of the narrative. It isn’t complex, but their continual desire to test their abilities against each other provides a link throughout the various additions to the franchise. His flashy personality and cocky thumbs up victory pose are as iconic for me as his ludicrous flaming Dragon Punch which symbolizes much of his personality.



It’s a shame that choosing Ken is like seen as similarly evil to voting for the communist party. Street Fighter II was the first console game I ever owned and still one of the best. I’m no expert at the game by any means, or even that good, but playing as Ken provides a link to the start of my love affair with video games, and as such I won’t cast him aside in order to placate an angry mob. If you have a beef with people who choose Ken then don’t worry, there are still quite a few people online who also seem to have a fondness for him.

Evil Ranking Chart

5 – Watching American Idol
4 – Breaking wind in an elevator
3 – Stealing from blind orphans
2 - Picking Ken in an online game of Street Fighter IV
1 - Throwing puppies off cliffs

Top 5: Evil Englishmen in Games

Take it from me; all Englishmen are evil. When we aren’t tying women to train tracks and twirling our impeccable moustaches, we are rioting at football games and threatening to bottle defenseless children. Hollywood has known for years that when it comes to villains its hard to top an Englishman when it comes to dastardly schemes and barely repressed sadistic personalities. For which I’m sure Alan Rickman is eternally grateful. Even as I write this I’m cupping a glass of brandy whilst kicking a sack full of infants. Thankfully the video game industry is also aware of the inherently evil nature of English DNA and has made the general public aware by accurately portraying us as shady and suspicious characters. Here are five of my brethren who have been immortalized in games. Learn from this public service announcement; spay and neuter your Englishmen. Otherwise the evil will continue to fester.

Liquid Snake


When it comes to evil Englishmen, it is hard to think of a more perfect example than Solid Snake’s more educated and eloquent brother Liquid. He bears the lofty and arrogant tone of an Oxford graduate as well as a sneer no doubt practiced at Eton, where spitting on those socially beneath you is a school subject. Liquid’s accent is so English that it makes even me cringe slightly. Or at least it would do if it wasn’t so entertaining to watch him practically chewing the walls in every scene that he appears in. He doesn’t just steal scenes, he kidnaps them. And then ties them to train tracks.
Best of all is his supreme contempt for the American government and Snake’s blind heroism and willingness to follow orders which is in line with the classic action movie hero. He spends so long gloating that any reasonably competent super villian would have conquered at least two continents in the same period of time.
Finally his insistence on calling Snake ‘Dear Brother’ adds that slightly effeminate edge and sexual ambiguity to Liquid, thus making him the complete package and the standard bearer for evil Englishmen in games. Major Zero would have made the list, but seeing as no one can possibly understand the plot of Metal Gear 4 he sadly had to be sidelined.

Pesky Yank who stops his diabolical scheme: Snaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!!!

Leopold Anthony Charles Weasleby the Third


“Who?” I’m sure would be most people’s response, in which case you missed out on Henry Hatsworth in the Puzzling Adventure, a gem of a DS game which didn’t receive as much attention as it deserved.
It is clear from his picture that the honorable Mr. Weasleby is a villain, but also with a name that includes three first names, a family name derived from a notoriously cunning animal, and a number denoting his lineage, he obviously didn’t have much choice. One can almost imagine his trip to a careers guidance counselor that would merely involve trying to read his name before concluding that Leopold was set for a career in villainy.
But what is his crime? Well the antagonist is the number 2 adventurer in the world (behind the titular hero) and is attempting to usurp him by getting the ‘Golden Gentlemen’s Suit’ before Henry does. So his crime is, in fact, to try and do what the hero is trying to do. But it’s simply a matter of style, and by employing others to do his dirty work and through the use of clockwork monstrosities, he is painted as a villain. He doesn’t play fair, which to be frank, just isn’t cricket. Finally, to seal the deal for his inclusion in the list of evil Englishmen he wears a lace cravat. Because, well, you need something to wipe clean your mouth when you have finished feasting on the blood of virgins.
The reason that Henry himself (and indeed Layton) doesn’t make the list is that I can’t exactly establish his relationship with the young boy who appears to live in his house.

Plucky American who foils his dastardly plot: Nope, this is pure Brit on Brit violence

Scholar Visari


Unlike most of the limp wrested aristocrats on this list, Scolar Visari is vicious dictator that seems to have stolen more than a couple of ideas from Hitler when it comes to speeches and décor. The Helghast are essentially English Nazi’s so it’s clear they deserve a spot on the list. And the Scholar brings a blood and thunder pomposity to his speeches that haven’t been heard since the days of Margaret Thatcher. Lines such as “The history of these days will be written in blood”, and “We will shatter their dreams and haunt their nightmares, drenching our ancestors’ graves with their blood” are clearly never spoken by someone with aspirations to be a primary school teacher (except perhaps in New Jersey). So go America! Destroy the bastards! Just try not to think about the fact that you are invading the home world of an oppressed people. Well, I understand that it is hard to sympathize when most of the Helghast sound like football hooligans who are going to knife you in the back as soon as you let your guard down.

Red, white and blue warriors that dash his nefarious plans: Sev and Rico

Harry Flynn


It’s clear to just about any English person when they first hear the swaggering ladish accent of Harry Flynn that it will be a matter of moments before the cheeky little scamp betrays you. You don’t have to wait long as ‘arry is quick to leg it, leaving you in a pickle with a twinkle in his eye. Not since Dick Van Dyke brutalized the cockney accent in Mary Poppins have we had a more lovable English rogue. Seeing as the game has recently been released I won’t go into any more detail about his role in the Uncharted 2 story. Just make a mental note that if you see any one sounding or acting like Harry Flynn I advise you to check that all your valuables are secure and to inform the authorities immediately.

Average Joe that proves to be the monkey on his British back: Nathan Drake innit?

Milo


So far everyone has cracked jokes about what you will be able to do to mess with Milo when Natal arrives next year. They have greatly underestimated him. The real question is what Milo will do if you take your eyes off him for even a second. Peter Molyneux has created a virtual English boy. In which case whilst you sleep he will be drinking alcohol, smoking, taking drugs and impregnating women. Evil Englishman? Perhaps not. Young English boy? Now that is something to truly be afraid of.

Brave USA Eagles who can stop his shadowy mission to make all American children speak with English accents: You my heroes. Only you can save the world


(Yeah I know that the kid is Dutch, but the picture was so perfect)

Keep it contextual: Uncharted 2

The opening sequence of Uncharted 2 is memorable for a number of reasons. Many would point to the dramatic nature of the location, the perilous situation in which the protagonist finds himself in or the simple fact that the game is visually stunning. Personally, one of the most impressive aspects is that it throws you in a dramatic and dangerous situation and gives you no instruction as to what you should do or even what you are capable of doing. The tutorial sequence comes afterwards in the form of a flashback, but when you are left dangling from a destroyed train carriage in the midst of a raging blizzard with a seemingly endless abyss below you, you have had no explanation of the game’s mechanics. Yet you soon discover your capabilities as you struggle to ascend to higher ground. Uncharted 2 is a triumph of contextual gaming and should be held up as a source of inspiration for developers hoping to create a cinematic experience.

The way in which Nathan responds to the environment and the way in which it responds to him are key in creating the game’s atmosphere. The dire situation in which you are placed initially is compounded by a serious injury that the character has sustained. Accordingly his onscreen movements are cumbersome and weighty. Likewise the task of scaling vertically up the train carriage is an arduous and desperate challenge and the torturous measured pace with which you are forced to move is a reflection of this. It mirrors your own reaction to being thrown into the opening of a game in which you haven’t been told how to play; movement is cautious and slow, and tension and panic swell within you. When ascertaining if you can make a jump, Nathan’s hand stretches tentatively towards his desired target as if to get a feel for his own limitations. In this sense the character’s response to the environment is being conveyed to the play through the way in which the game controls.



The context of the environment in which he has been placed also has a strong bearing on the game. The carriage you are being asked to climb is on the brink of collapse and this is reflected by the way in which pieces fall towards you altering your environment, or by the pipes and handles that collapse or swing according to your weight. When you finally haul yourself up the cliff you find that nearby explosions cause the character to buckle and double over; slowing your movement temporarily. The pain that Nathan is enduring is expressed through limiting the player’s movement and making him respond appropriately to his changing environment. This is further enforced by the way in which his physical appearance alters, whether it’s the snow that sticks in his hair if you roll in it, or the texture and color of the famous half-tuck shirt being altered by the water.

Importantly this early establishment of contextual gameplay means that the player is groomed to deal with unfamiliar situations using the same control scheme. The moving train section is a truly breathtaking moment in game design because it forces the player to engage in several different kinds of wildly different gameplay, some which the player has yet to be exposed to, in a continuous sequence that remains unimpaired by the need for explanation.



Bionic Commando, released earlier this year to a rather lukewarm reception, was notable for being largely repetitive but with a couple of incredible action sequences at the end. Like Uncharted 2 they took the controls with which you were familiar, and put them into a drastically different scenario to great effect; in that case by hauling yourself from the back of a squadron of planes to the front using your bionic arm. Batman Arkham Asylum took a different, but no less effective path, by clearly sectioning off its gameplay into three compartments, explaining each and then rotating them.

Of course in an article discussing the importance of contextual gameplay it would be a massive oversight not to mention one of the greatest games of all time; The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. The A button was described as the ‘action’ button and could be used for a number of different commands depending on the context of the environment. This would be displayed in the top right of the screen where the action would be described for the player. At the time it was an impressive advance in console gaming interface, and Uncharted 2 has shown how this simple idea could be developed into truly contextual gameplay.



When Tim Schafer got frustrated with people asking him why there wasn’t a jump button in Brutal Legend, he needed only to mention Ocarina of Time.

Should you hate the player or the game?

Purposeful disconnects remain the curse of online gaming. Whilst its true that for many games online lag is still sadly prevalent, there is nothing quite like ‘rage quitting’ to make the blood boil. When you have worked hard to decimate an opponent only to have them take the easy way out, there are no number of expletives that can capture the anguish of that moment. Who is to blame for this act of pure evil? Is it the fault of society for cultivating such a lack of responsibility? Can we point the finger at our morally corrupt sporting heroes who often bend or break the rules as well as violate the ideals of sportsmanship in order to win at any cost? Or perhaps it is the fault of the parents who raise spoilt brats that are unable to bear the weight of defeat?

It seems obvious that the blame should lie squarely with the person who decides to simulate an internet disconnect. Overcome with their frustration at being unable to win, they churlishly exit the game. Whether it is to prevent their perfect record being tarnished, or simply out of spite, the action is childish and indefensible. Unfortunately however, upon even a little reflection it is clear that the developers are ultimately to blame for allowing them to do so without significant punishment. Some companies have done well to attempt to tackle the issue, but for those that don’t provide consequences for rage quitting the oversight is naive to say the least. Whilst a poor net code can make a game unplayable online, a lack of rules and structure in the online community can be equally damaging.

Provide incentives for losing with dignity


Putting aside the idea of punishing people for quitting, it is also important to provide the person who is playing with a reason to continue to play even in the face of an inevitable defeat. If by losing you are just rewarded by another mark in your losses column it hardly encourages the player to keep trying. Providing a decent amount of experience points or their equivalent even for a loss would compensate the player for their sportsmanship. For online games such as Uncharted 2 it is still possible to accumulate plenty of money without winning rounds. Likewise FIFA gives points for taking part in completed games, so whilst you may not have won the match, you are provided with funds to improve your team to the point where you have a better chance of winning.

Provide in-depth matchmaking


Putting a player in a match which they will most likely lose due to a gulf in experience or ability is a sure-fire way to frustrate players to the point where they will want to quit. Once I too suffered a lapse in my sense of decency when playing FIFA 09. I was simply torn apart by a far superior player and was losing by nine goals before the end of the first half (quite disgraceful I have to admit). Although I didn’t quit I did sulk, to the extent that you can in a video game form of football, by passing the ball around my defense. I promptly received an incredibly abusive PSN message from my opponent (I’m impressed that he could type so quickly). Being a bit of a wuss I then tried to play the game in its true spirit and went on to lose the match by fifteen goals. I was to blame for my selfishness, but being destroyed so quickly rather took the urgency out of my game. Matchmaking is one of the more complicated issues in online games and there are few games which have perfected it. Halo is often held up as an example of good match making, but it is even more of a pressing issue in sports games which are usually one-on-one games that last longer.

Properly punish persistent offenders
Most online games show a disconnect percentage for players, and those with very high disconnect rates are unlikely to be welcomed into games, but when you just want to play a game and there seem to be few open matches available there is little alternative. Whilst rewarding players for losing may be the carrot, the stick should be that they lose points. By making the loss of points significant enough, the players who used to disconnect would be forced to at least bear through their suffering. Those who have very high disconnect rates could be given bans for their offenses such as weekly bans, monthly bans or for the very worst offenders, lifetime bans.




Whilst these ideas sound nice on paper there are of course a few tricky aspects to implementing them. How do you know if a person is rage quitting, or simply that their internet connection was temporarily disrupted? And whilst few cases have been successful, bans imposed on players of online games have occasionally resulted in law suits that developers are obviously keen to avoid, no matter how frivolous they may be. Seeing as gamers are sometimes vocal in their disapproval of draconian measure, the Modern Warfare 2 server issue for example, the negative press associated with a punishing online system means that some developers are unwilling to instill a sense of authority into their games.

Until game developers have taken steps that provide real consequence for purposeful disconnects, competitive online game will be tainted. Well, either that or we could wait for the time when every one who plays online games becomes mature enough not to choose to ruin another person’s experience. Hold your breath folks; I think it’s going to happen any minute now.

Top 5: Gods in Games

Religion is a complex and at times inflammatory topic that can inspire and offend in equal measure. It therefore seems somewhat amusing that video games have by and large managed to side-step the controversy in which religion becomes embroiled whilst heavily referencing a number of religious beliefs and deities. If you are looking for a blog that is willing to take on the weighty and stimulating concept of how religion is treated in games as a reflection on the demographic that plays them as opposed to other forms of media… I’m afraid you have come to the wrong place. I’m sure that a far more eloquent and thoughtful person has already tackled this topic and whilst I myself might attempt to do so in the future, for now I am content to condense all of these complicated issues into a facile Top 5. Enjoy!

Scribblenauts


God answers your prayers instantly or your pizza is free!

Is Scribblenauts developer 5th Cell a Christian company? Whether they are or not is a moot point. They have restored my faith in the Almighty. When you have need of him, God doesn’t appear through a messenger, an epiphany or through some symbolic gesture. A mere click of your fingers and he is right there beside you, willing to walk through the valley of death. Or into a castle full of ninjas at the very least. And he is one tough mo fo. I’ve seen God go toe to toe with a dragon and barely blink. You know when a little guy in a club is being a bit rowdy and looking to start trouble, he always has a massive mate who looms behind him cracking his knuckles menacingly? That’s what God is in Scribblenauts. He is content to amble along behind you until someone starts giving you some grief at which point he steps in and starts beating the crap out of your enemies. The best thing about this God though is his willingness to handle firearms. Tool him up with a shotgun, put him astride a white horse and put a pimp fedora atop his head and watch him lay waste to all who stand in his way. It’s just a shame he never took swimming lessons.

Kratos


As usual Kratos was late for his anger management classes

The meek shall inherit the Earth? Not on his watch. Just how much of a God Kratos is varies throughout the series. He begins as a mortal, and every time he manages to regain his deity status he seems to be a whisker away from pissing off enough important people to have it stripped from him. But unlike most Gods, whether Kratos at the time possesses the title it matters not. If he were a package delivery boy he would be the God of Package Delivery Boys. As it is, he is the God of War and more than lives up to that moniker. Rather than simply defeating his foes he attempts to turn their bodies into confetti. And any one who can actually coax a harpy into flying higher by stabbing it repeatedly in its underbelly is clearly not adhering to any laws of nature or physics. He isn’t just a God; he is a God killer, so all the other entrants on this list should probably check behind them if they walk down any dark alleys. Chances are Kratos will be lurking in the shadows, itching to perform some quick and brutal surgery.

The Sims


Make their lives better! ... or kill them all...

There have been many excellent God simulation games such as Populous, Black and White and Sim City to name but a few. But those games relate to Gods of ambition. They create and destroy on an epic scale, holding the lives of civilizations in their hands and shaping the course of history. I prefer the idea of the petty God. The God who worries about what will happen to Logan on ‘The Bold and the Beautiful’. The God who smites some one with a bad haircut. The God who cares about what outfit their toy poodle is wearing. Yes, the God of The Sims. In this game God is not so much the guardian of mankind as an omnipotent but obsessive stalker. But this is also a God who is able to kill people, often in horrible, depraved and, depending on the player, rather imaginative ways. Idle hands…

JRPG bosses


The final battle for the fate of humanity is God verus this young man currently struggling with the challenges of puberty

One of the most wonderful aspects of JRPGs is that if you taken even a moment to look back upon the course the narrative has taken from the beginning to the end, the insane amount of improvement your character has made would make even Rocky Balboa choke. True, that development has happened over the period of 50 plus hours as opposed to a montage, but it still doesn’t explain how a farmer’s son armed with a wooden sword which he used to protect his flock from rats went on to kill God. Or the Creator, or the source of the mana for the Earth; whatever deity they decide to employ that certainly isn’t the Christian God, but has a strong fondness for his paraphernalia. By the end of most JRPGs you have ploughed past enough stained glass windows in churches or giant crucifixes to make the Vatican green with envy.
So whilst these JRPGs make the list for the sheer volume of Gods in their games, the definitely don’t make it for their power. After all, if you get your ass handed to you by an androgynous character armed with a massive sword, a pink haired ditzy girl with the body of an adult movie star but the face of a child, and probably some cute mascot that kind of looks like a cross between a rabbit and a kitty, then you can’t honestly claim to be all-powerful.
Special mention goes to Yu Yevon from FFX. Why? Because there is no way that you can lose the battle. Round of applause for the special needs deity.

God Hand


You fight a gorilla in a wrestling mask. This game makes the list

There are many games far more deserving of being on this list. And yes, the main character merely possesses the titular God Hand, as opposed to being a God himself. It isn’t even a particularly good game. But seeing as your special moves involve kicking people into outer space, spanking ladies bottoms and nailing dudes in the balls, I’m going to give it a free pass.