"Eat my Goal!" How EA got it's groove back: a FIFA 09 retrospective

The King is dead. Long live the King. Since I can first remember picking up a control pad the mantra has been the same; FIFA had the license, but Winning 11 was the better game. Anyone who played FIFA wasn’t a serious fan of football games, just a (spit out the word) ‘casual gamer’. Then when Winning 11, or Pro Evo Soccer to us Brits, started getting the real licenses the war was over. FIFA didn’t have a leg to stand on, and no amount of over-hyped player motion capture or glitzy marketing campaign could hide that fact.

But, like an overly enthusiastic stalker, FIFA began to creep up on Winning 11. The features that they offered were more extensive, the presentation more thorough, the controls tighter. One of the most important changes that they made though was to ape the control set up of their biggest rivals. Once they had stolen/bastardized that key element, they were able to convert hardcore Winning 11 fans by making the transition easier.

If you have read my review of the latest Winning 11, you will be well aware of my many beefs with that game. The damn thing just sits there, the same thing just getting a little crustier; with a touch more polish year after year. Whilst I’m sure that making the game is an incredibly complex and challenging labor of love for a massive team of programmers, I can’t shake the feeling that the lazy gits spend six months mooching around their office debating what the most delicious flavor of sandwich is, then just change the number on the box and release it again. And each year they compete to see who can pick the worst and least suitable songs for a soundtrack.



FIFA has become fresher and more eager to please, almost desperately in fact, like a bounding puppy. Except that this old dog really has learned a few new tricks. The Ultimate Team mode, whilst a DLC feature, is a brilliant idea, turning the sticker pack collections into a feature in the game. You can trade, buy and collect them and it really triggers into the Pokemon ‘gotta catch them all’ mentality which is buried deep within every gamer. A fully featured managerial mode is also an incredible addition to the package.



The online play is so silky smooth I was completely astonished. Having tried to play Winning 11 online I was expecting the worst, but got the best. In comparison to FIFA it has flipbook animation and framerate. The best thing about FIFA’s online is that it doesn’t feel like it is online.

My fervent hope is that Winning 11 gets crushed this year, only to work their asses off and actually make a decent game next year. I pray, and relish the thought of once more being able to say, ‘The King is dead. Long live the King.’

Six Days in Fallujah: Cancelled

Not long ago the game ‘Six Days in Fallujah’ was announced by Konami and unveiled to press at an event. Inevitably there was a lot of debate that revolved around the morality of portraying a conflict that was still ongoing, and people seemed divided in their reactions to the game. Sadly, the important debate as to whether this game should even exist has been suspended. Following the controversy, Konami decided to drop the game, leaving developer Atomic Games searching desperately for a new publisher for a game which has already garnered so much negative press.

So why was so much controversy generated? Well whilst fictitious conflicts in fictitious middle-eastern countries that bear remarkable similarities to the ongoing Iraq War are deemed to be fair game, ‘Six Days in Fallujah’ cut too close to the bone for many. It was touted as a realistic depiction of the second battle of Fallujah that took place in 2004, which would be a ‘survival horror’ style game. Using feedback from soldiers, citizens, and remarkably insurgents (how the insurgents contributed to the making of the game was never clarified, and raises some serious issues of the validity of the claim); it aimed to recreate the battle in a level of realism and detail never before seen in video games. And then they put in regenerative health.



This is essentially where the developer made their presentational mistake. If you are planning to make a game about such a fresh and potentially distressing experience, you had better make damn sure you represent said experience as faithfully as possible. Whilst their intentions seemed genuinely well meaning, to allow people to get the feeling of taking part in the real life combat situation as a simulation, ‘gamey’ or contrived elements added to make the game more entertaining undermine the seriousness of the project. It adds validity to statements like this one from Reg Keys, father of slain Royal Military Police Lance Corporal Thomas Keys, "Considering the enormous loss of life in the Iraq War, glorifying it in a video game demonstrates very poor judgment and bad taste... These horrific events should be confined to the annals of history, not trivialized and rendered for thrill-seekers to play out... It's entirely possible that Muslim families will buy the game, and for them it may prove particularly harrowing. Even worse, it could end up in the hands of a fanatical young Muslim and incite him to consider some form of retaliation or retribution."

However with all due respect to those who oppose the idea of the game, I strongly disagree that a part of history should be closed off. Why are World War II games deemed acceptable? Or Vietnam games? Or for that matter why is the movie ‘Black Hawk Down’ more acceptable? The answer as usual is because those who make the complaints don’t play games, in the same way that politicians so comically and tragically misrepresent games because they don’t understand the medium. Games can be somber, reflective and melancholy. Games are entertainment, but sometimes in a similar way to ‘Black Hawk Down’, not enjoyable but poignant. Thus the mischaracterization of the ‘thrill seeking’ gamer stings somewhat. Having said that, games that do attempt to tackle such tricky subject matter had damn well be sure that they do so in as sensitive a manner as possible, and maybe its true that gaming hasn’t matured to a level where designer can make a game that isn’t fun.




Shutting down this project means that we may never be able to answer these questions. Controversy should be confronted and then assessed and debated rather than swept aside. For the families of those serving in Iraq, however, their anger at the insensitivity of the industry is understandable. The debate surrounding the game was especially interesting for me, as for once, there was no unified response from the gaming press. Usually there is a general homogenization of opinion, and usually it is in defense of games like GTA IV and Mass Effect being misrepresented by the mainstream medium. For once a debate of real substance had started to form. Then as suddenly as it had emerged, it disappeared again. Hopefully the sabbatical will be merely temporary.

Paying for Paradise: A Burnout retrospective

It seems ridiculous to be doing a retrospective on a game that was released in January of last year, but likewise it would be ridiculous to do a review of a game that was released in January of last year, so I’m going for the lesser of two evils here. Likewise it is bizarre to be doing a retrospective of a game that I have been playing a lot recently but that is perhaps one of the greatest appeals of the game; despite being over a year old it still seems fresh as fresh and appealing as it did when it launched. More so in fact. That time has honed and expanded on the experience, providing more content for the player and more reasons to go back to Paradise City.

When people drove the streets of Paradise City for the first time, many were baffled or enraged by the game’s deviation from the traditional Burnout structure. Rather than moving up in car classes through completing challenges the whole city and all the different race permutations were available from the off. The true genius of Burnout Paradise is essentially that the game is an MMO car game, but unlike the previous failures in that genre it manages to conceal its roots. So whilst the open city may not be ideal for a racing game, it is perfect for exploration and questing. Timed challenges are the equivalent of raids as some are only able to be completed with sufficiently good cars, which incidentally is the leveling up system. Thanks to the trophy/achievements reward system as well as a large data base of statistics kept in the game, smashing through all 400 yellow gates or 120 billboards can become addicting and encourages exploration of the environment. The online integration in the game is so perfectly seamless and opens up entirely new elements that cannot be played in single player, and like in MMOs, it is possible to hop into games with random players and take on quests and PVP (player versus player) challenges. Importantly, unlike most racing games, it is fun to play without a specific aim or goal, and playing online doesn’t necessarily mean competing.



So onto the DLC, which initially gets a massive thumbs up. Well, some even stronger display of approval or affection, if that is possible without heading into sexual analogies, because the initial DLC has been fantastic. The Cagney and Bikes updates in particular were so generous that the less trusting of us might be suspicious that the developers were trying to atone for some terrible past wrongdoings. Plenty of new modes, day-night cycles and bikes were just three key aspects of the content added for free. Free? The world seems so incongruous in the world of DLC, especially with the sheer volume and quality of the content that was added. But before we prostrate ourselves entirely before Criterion games in awe of their near God-like compassion and generosity, the more recent additions to the DLC flock leave a slightly more bitter taste in the mouth. The recent cars that have been added to the stores are grossly overpriced, and besides the car that bears remarkable similarity to the Back to the Future car, offer no additional functionality. The party pack and the soon to be released Cops and Robbers packs do so, but at a pretty steep cost. That considered, fans waiting for the addition of the Big Surf Island DLC might start getting a bit nervous as they await the price point.

That said, for many this is a moot point. Not only have they already given us so much for so little already, the paid additional content in no way hampers your ability to enjoy the game. Unless you happen to be an idiotic trophy whore as you need to buy all the DLC to be able to get all the trophies. Damn.

Top five: alternatives to sleeping on the streets of Tokyo

The last train in Tokyo always leaves laughably early considering that we are talking about one of the largest and most modern metropolises in the world. But it is no laughing matter when you have missed the afore mentioned last train and are eyeing up nearby cardboard boxes to ascertain which might best protect you from the ravages of mother nature. Thankfully, if you have the cash, Tokyo has the solution, so without further ado, here are the top five alternatives to sleeping on the streets of Tokyo.



Capsule hotels are for many the stuff of legends. Everyone knows what they are but no one seems to have used them before. The reason may be that unlike some of the other alternatives, they are a little more rare and difficult to spot. If you do find one then you have to face the dilemma of whether you really wish to sleep in what is essentially a cross between a coffin and a zoo cage. For those that have always wanted to replicate the feel of being freeze-dried and packed, this maybe the closest you get to the experience. Hotels usually cater to only one gender (there are far more male-only ones) so for those wishing to avoid spending the night in a police cell it is suggested that you figure out who the hotel caters to prior to entry.



Manga cafes are cheap, comfortable and crammed with things to entertain the insomniac. They also have the benefit of being as numerous as Starbucks are in Seattle. The quality of the establishments vary significantly but expect at least to have a decent computer with internet access, a free soft drinks bar, a comfortable leather chair, and enough Manga to keep any recluse happy for a couple of years. For the better places (which aren’t significantly more expensive) you can expect showers, hot and cold food, massage chairs, darts, billiards, video games, sofas and more. Basically some of these places are better than my house. If you have no possessions and no need of an address, why bother with an apartment?



I don’t like onsen. Something about bathing naked with thirty other men just doesn’t appeal to me, but it is very much a part of Japanese culture and for those with fewer reservations (or neuroses), 24hour onsens are a godsend. What better way to deal with the stress of missing the train than to refresh yourself in natural spring water that could burn the skin off a chicken? Well, I can think of many more preferable ways, but as I mentioned this place isn’t for me. But with a number of different bathing areas, televisions, alcohol and food, it’s a great way to keep the party going in a comfortable and relaxing style. Naked.



If you live in Japan, chances are you will have already done all-night Karaoke. But if you aren’t one of those perky, wannabe pop stars, desperate for any old mug to listen to them, you probably fancy a kip around 3am. Whilst being far from ideal, it is at least a pretty inexpensive place to spend the night, with food and drink always available. And background music of course. But a word of warning: for those who want to get… amorous in Karaoke, a friend of mine who worked in a Karaoke place for a while assured me that they have security cameras in every room. And that all the staff are probably watching you and laughing if you try to, cough, get ‘too relaxed’.



Which leads us onto the final option, the infamous Love Hotels. Depending what part of Tokyo you are in these can range from difficult to find to being every other building. Assuming for the moment that you want to stay in one for reasons that are not nefarious, they are the most expensive option here but have the same amenities that you would expect in any hotel, as well as a lot of extra things depending on the place, without the hassle of making a reservation. Again it depends on the place but usually it is possible to get a room if you are alone, one man and one woman, two women, or three people with representatives from both genders (though you will have to pay extra). Two men cannot go together. This could be due to homophobia, but more likely it was due to large groups of foreign men who failed to reserve a hotel in the 2002 World Cup causing a bit of a scene by filling up the Love Hotels. For those who do want to commit nefarious acts, this is your best bet.

Mascotpedia: Peco-chan

What do you do when someone just won’t look you in the eye, and to add insult to injury, is sticking their tongue out at you? Comment sense dictates that you give them a piece of your mind or your fist, confectionary company Fujiya made her a mascot. This eternally mischievous looking six year old has graced the streets of Japan in life-sized form since the 50s. Despite her status as an icon of cuteness, no mean feat in Japan, any rational person should see danger where others see sweetness. In every rendition of the character, and I mean EVERY rendition of the character, her eyes are darted off to either side. She refuses to meet your gaze, instead scoping the environment for something to steal/kill/molest. Any sane adult knows that kids are not to be trusted, and Peco-chan is the ideological embodiment of the malevolence that all nippers possess. You can be sure that if you turned your back on a kid who actually looked like Peco-chan then your wallet would disappear faster than you can say ‘the Artful Dodger’. Seeing one of these statues of evil in the streets is a harrowing experience. As you approach from one side, Peco-chan seems to be staring off at some hidden danger ahead of you. But as you pass her by, suddenly her sinister eyes are fixated upon you, staring after you as you glance nervously back. Insane paranoia aside, who actually licks their lips like that? I mean really. There is nothing innocent about that expression. Unless she is trying to lick her own cheek there is simply no excuse for her tongue to be in that position.
Just in case you still feel I’m a crazy conspiracy hack, please research the scandal related to expired milk back in 2007…and remember, don’t trust the kiddies. Especially ones as shifty as Peco-chan.

Back to the Future but ahead of its time: A Chrono Trigger retrospective

Until recently I had never played Chrono Trigger. As a fan of 16-bit Japanese RPGs this is somewhat akin to a fan of American Football games having never played Madden. Finally I can stop hanging my head in shame, and can remove a fairly large chip from my shoulder. The fact that it was never released in England until the recent DS version isn’t a good enough excuse. Having heard so much praise lavished upon on the game, and knowing the legendary status of the collaborators in the project, I was expecting something incredible. Surprisingly it managed to exceed my lofty expectations.
As the title of this retrospective implies, and please forgive the terrible pun given the game’s central concept of time travel, Chrono Trigger implemented some ideas that were very forward thinking. In fact having played the game I am somewhat surprised that more Japanese RPGs haven’t taken its lessons to heart given that it was released fifteen years ago. It’s worthwhile pointing out and appreciating some of finer aspects of the game in the vain hope that developers who haven’t already stolen the ideas will finally sit up and take notice.



Perhaps the most important contribution Chrono Trigger has made to the JRPG genre is the New Game+ option i.e. once you have finished the game you are able to restart the game whilst retaining all your statistics and possessions. This may seem like a minor point, but in Chrono Trigger this option is so integral to the game that it is astonishing that no other game since has given it such significance. This is due to the twelve, or in the DS version thirteen, different endings that are available. Each of the different endings requires different criteria to be met or certain decisions to be made. This is a game where your choices really do matter and can impact the outcome of your game. After all, what other JRPG can potentially be completed without the titular character? This kind of consequence adds weight to the decisions you make and satisfaction to discovering the alternative endings. And thanks to the New Game+ option, what other game has the possibility of starting and then warping near-instantaneously to the final boss? Not too many I imagine.

This omnipresent awareness the importance of decisions ties in nicely with the complex cause and effect missions. Near the end of the game you have a chance to take on the final boss, or to embark upon a series of time traveling missions. There are seven different points in time which you are able to warp to and actions in one time period will affect the world in other time periods. An impressive idea certainly, but so much more so considering that this is a fifteen year old game. It requires much more thought than the usual ‘find key for gate’ puzzle that were so prevalent in the RPGs of the time, and that still exist in modern RPGs. And on the subject of outdated JRPG mechanics that this game should have caused to be wiped from the face of the earth, no random battles. Not only that but there is an active combat system as opposed to a purely turn based one. The fact that this game contained these elements is a testimony to its place in JRPG history.
One more impressive point of the game is that the conversation between party members or even with NPCs is dependant on who is currently in your party. Entirely different dialogues emerge depending on who you have with you and who you left behind and that is something which few RPGs that aren’t made by Bioware can boast about. It also provides yet another reason to get back into the New Game+ to see how things could have been different.



Considering its massive fan base, one more internet geek declaring their love for this seminal RPG may seem unnecessary, but given just how special this game is I can forgive myself for adding to the number. I didn’t even go into the story, but rest assured it is one of the finest in the genre. The characters are charming and memorable and given the way that you can affect the development of their stories, you grow very attached to them. If like me it has taken you fifteen years to stumble across this gem, other British people can share my pain, don’t wait a moment longer. Unlike many other games of this era time has not dulled its appeal. As fresh and relevant now as the day it was released, this is truly a game that spans the ages.

Game Reviews: Fallout 3

Oblivion with guns? Well, yes and no. Whilst it is very obvious that both games are from Bethesda, Fallout 3 entertained and engaged me much more than Oblivion. It shares many of the flaws that Oblivion had, but alleviates many of the issues that caused me to give on the fantasy game around the ten hour mark.

The combat was one of the primary reasons that Fallout 3 succeeds where Oblivion failed. Although some have criticized the combination of the VATS system with the traditional FPS, personally I feel its integration is one of the most crucial improvements in the engine. Tactically combining the use of these two techniques in intense shoot-outs is far more satisfying than the slashing and magic hurling of Oblivion. I’m aware that essentially there is no difference between the firing of a gun and the hurling of a fireball, but despite that the combat in Fallout 3 feels significantly more satisfying. Despite the frequency of its occurrence, I still don’t tire of the sight of a Super Mutant’s head exploding. Whilst it is gratuitous and slightly sickening, at least it adds an impact to the combat and it certainly makes the combat more involving than its fantasy counterpart. The HUD system also has a lot to do with my appreciation of the combat in Fallout. One of my reasons I struggled in Oblivion was there was no health indicator for an opponent, thus when I fought an opponent and died I never knew if the person was too powerful for me to defeat at that stage, or if I had simply made poor tactical decisions. As a result I would get frustrated through repeated engaging an enemy in order to determine if I could win through alternative tactics. In Fallout a lot more information is available including not only the health of the enemy but in VATS the potential damage your next attack will cause is also displayed.

The ‘Pip Boy’ is a device strapped to your wrist that serves as your information interface giving you all the information you need such as quest notes, item menus and your current status. Whilst the Oblivion inventory screens felt a little clumsy and unwieldy on the consoles, the Pip Boy is far more user friendly, and more importantly simple and streamlined. It suits the setting perfectly and thus provides a way to give information, and the HUD display, to the player in a way which doesn’t feel incongruous or contrived. As for the setting itself, the ruins of Washington D.C. following a nuclear war, it is a matter of personal preference. I found it to be more interesting than the well executed but somewhat bland, generic fantasy setting of Oblivion. As well as the improvements in the interface, the setting also adds a dark and twisted sense of humor which was more appealing than serious fantasy.



The aftermath of a nuclear attack obviously provides a lot of potentially interesting scenarios and moral decisions. Thus the karma system in the game, whether you are playing as a ‘good guy’ or a ‘bad guy’, feels very substantial. There are often multiple outcomes to each quest that have ramifications as to your rewards, but more importantly do provide some real dilemmas. I won’t spoil any of these missions, but the Tranquility Lane scenario caused me some distress. The game compliments these heavy moral decisions with a wicked sense of humor. The characters in the Fallout universe are far more varied than the wasteland backdrop, and it is genuinely interesting to visit a new town and see the new insanity that surrounds you. Whether you stumble across two costumed superheroes battling in a small town, or stumble across the cloning lab full of identical inhabitants all called Gary, it really is an environment worth exploring, if only to see what fresh madness the next location will present. By the way, the Gary clones can only say their own name, but still have a full range of vocal emotions; hearing one shout ‘Gaaarrrrryyy’ in a mournful manner is one of the most hilarious things I have encountered in any game.

But after all this high praise there are still a number of issues that I found irritating. It may be due to the vast scope of the game, but Fallout 3 is unacceptably buggy for a console game. The frame rate sometimes drops significantly and the game has frozen on me numerous times. I have also been unable to finish missions due to a door that suddenly becomes permanently locked or a vital character that disappears. It doesn’t ruin the game but it certainly hurts the experience. And for PS3 owners, if you finish the main game you are unable to continue, so I hope you have plenty of back-up saves if you want to continue questing after the main story.

Technical issues aside, the level cap is way too low. Unless you are very focused on completing the game you will have maxed out at level 20 before you finish the main story, which somewhat takes the enjoyment out of combat. The looting system makes sense due to the setting, but the actual grind of searching every object, picking out the valuable ones until you are over-encumbered, returning to town to sell off goods you don’t need, then repeating ad-nauseam is needlessly tedious. If they had just included fewer worthless object or increased the weight that the character could carry it might improve the situation, but leaving a dungeon halfway through completion to unburden your character is an irritation that could have been avoided.



I was genuinely shocked at how much I enjoyed Fallout 3, although this may have been due to my low expectations for the game. Whilst I knew that the game had won widespread critical acclaim and multiple ‘Best Game of 2008’ awards, my trepidation was due to my lukewarm reaction to Oblivion. This game is Oblivion with guns, but at the same time it is so much more than that. Better combat, a sleeker interface, darker humor, moral decisions that have a real impact, and a liberal sprinkling of madness make it far superior to the game which shares so much of its DNA. It’s a shame that with its buggy nature it can’t entirely shed the shadow of its past.

9/10

Akihabara guide: Donkihote a.k.a. the happiest place on earth

Disneyland should really drop that trademark, because this truly is the happiest place on earth. Hyperbole aside, Donkihote really should be one of the first places you visit in Akihabara. For those who have been to one of the many chain stores around Japan, don’t be fooled into thinking you have seen it all before. Akihabara Donkihote really is unique and well worth a visit. There are very few other places where so much pop culture is crammed into such a small place. In what other store can you buy a maid costume on almost every floor (there are 7 floors), visit a maid café, play the latest arcade games, buy an R2D2 wastepaper basket, buy ‘black man’s pants (seriously that’s the name), get import food, take puri kura, play pachinko, see a museum dedicated to Japan’s most popular school girl group, get clothing with otaku slogans on them, by bicycles, condoms, TVs, beds, get cosplay clothing, see a live idol performance, pilot a Gundam, get gacha gacha toys, try UFO catchers, see some people who have played way too much DDR, buy expensive brand goods like Rolex watches… and many more things too?



Not many other places I’m guessing. Oh, and besides the maid café, all of the staff who tend to the UFO catchers are dressed in maid costumes. Just in case that makes a difference to you. Look out for upcoming features on many of the things I have mentioned already (the AKB48 museum being one of them) as they really deserve their own entry. If you do go, which you should, it is definitely best to go on the weekend. Whilst it will be more crowded you will definitely be able to watch a live performance, and on the weekends is usually when the best rhythm action otaku strut their stuff. If you are keen to visit the maid café (it’s a @home café, another branch of which I have already reviewed on this site) or if you want to see the AKB48 concert movie in the cinema its better on go on a weekday when it will be a little quieter. On a personal note one of the most memorable things I have seen in Japan was in this store. As I was going up an escalator I turned around to see five high school girls dressed in Pikachu costumes. Oh, and you can buy cans of Hello Kitty noodles in the vending machines.

Ressurecting Raiden: A Metal Gear Solid 2 retrospective

Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty was the follow up to the wildly popular Playstation game, and whilst it achieved commercial success, it was derided by a large number of the series vocal fanbase. The reason was due to the switch in the main character from Solid Snake to Raiden, which occurred about an hour into the game. The protagonist had changed from a tough and grizzled veteran to an effeminate rookie, and many did not take kindly to their new hero. Director Hideo Kojima was shocked by the ferocity of the backlash, and this lead to some interesting changes in the subsequent entries in the series. The famed auteur had been cut down by even his most rabid of admirers. The fans had spoken.

So for those that are unfamiliar with the franchise, what was all the fuss about? Well perhaps this comparison between Snake and Raiden will make things a little more clear.


Snake


Raiden

The two characters have well established roots in popular culture, the main difference being that whilst Snake embodies the American image of a hero, Raiden is more representative of Japanese values.
The character of Snake is inspired by a number of different sources, most notably Snake Pliskin (played by Kurt Russell in Escape from New York) from whom he gets his name, and Sylvester Stallone’s Rambo. Tough, resourceful, and unemotional, Snake carries the spirit of American action hero movies. The game was popular worldwide but it proved to be especially popular in America. Snake was and still is a very popular character and the fact that he is relatable to many pre-existing fictional American heroes meant that he transcended cultural barriers between the Japanese director and the lucrative western market.
Enter Raiden. For the sequel Hideo Kojima wanted the protagonist to be a ‘beautiful man’. Cue alarm bells ringing across the rest of the world. The concept of the effeminate or beautiful hero is not a completely alien concept to western audiences, but they do tend to be more divisive. Bear in mind as well the vast difference in appearance alone between Snake and Raiden. It would be the equivalent of replacing Bruce Willis with Orlando Bloom in the Die Hard movies. In Japanese culture effeminate men dominate popular culture, particular through ‘Johnny’s’ bands like the Kinki Kids, Hey Say Jump and the News. Many of these performers also star in a number of Japanese dramas, and take on ‘action hero’ roles. Of course the Japanese and American action hero stereotypes vary wildly. Western audiences, culturally disconnected from Japan simply had no idea why their beloved, deep-voiced stoic had been replaced. It didn’t help that Raiden was also a, for lack of a better word, wuss. Constantly drowning in self-doubt, confusion, and constantly nagged by a whiney girlfriend, he was by no means an aspiration figure.

That isn’t to say that Western audiences are unable to connect with a quintessentially Japanese character; the sales figures for the Final Fantasy series dispel that myth quite abruptly. But from the controversy Kojima learned the limitations of being an auteur in videogames. Since Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty Raiden has been through an image transformation. In the prequel Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater a comedy character who looked identical to Raiden was revealed to be a homosexual who enjoyed electroshock themed fetish sex. It was an embarrassing over-reaction by Kojima to appease those who had hated Raiden in the previous game, and it was somewhat disappointing to see him stoop to this to win back those who had criticized him. But after this character assassination he reappeared in Metal Gear 4: Sons of the Patriots as a stoic, tough, badass character.



With Raiden’s popularity now restored it seems as though he will once more be the protagonist of the next Metal Gear game. However, you can be sure that he will be more reflective of the ‘western hero’ concept than…well than this

Information overload

Bioshock 2 or Bioshock 2; Sea of Dreams. Who cares? Oh...we do...

How much information is too much information? Well apparently when it comes to video games there is no such thing as too much information. Video games have perhaps the most obsessive, well informed, biased, and passionate audience out of all entertainment mediums. When the development of a game takes roughly two to four years, understandably there is little production news. But still, looking at gaming websites such as N4G, you might get the wrong impression. Websites keep churning out gaming ‘news’ for the hungry masses to devour, process and regurgitate in forums. A lot of the news is inaccurate, a lot is unimportant, but that doesn’t seem to matter; we still seek it out.
Recently there was some news about Bioshock 2. Or Bioshock 2: Sea of Dreams. Actually that subtitle was the news. There was some confusion over whether that was the official subtitle, or whether the subtitle was merely related to the teaser trailer. Yet despite this seemingly like a very minor detail, it was picked over in the forums with people vehemently opposed to the offending subtitle. What’s more surprising is that, not only was this given such scrutiny amongst the public, but even the major videogame websites not only deemed it newsworthy but analyzed the issue in various podcasts. Its release date is a rather unspecific ‘late 2009’.
There is such a fervent demand for constant access to game news that the medium itself cannot provide. Unlike the movie or music industry, there are very few videogame ‘personalities’, whose lives, unrelated to the games they are working on, are newsworthy. So instead rumor, debate and over-analysis run rife through journalism related to it, of which I am as guilty as any other.

A recent trend amongst several of the major websites like 1UP and Gamespot is to have ‘game nights’. They take a newly released game, and as a group play it, commenting, joking and giving their general impressions. Typically they play through several hours of the game. This concept irritates me immensely. I find it difficult to understand why people would want to watch other people play several hours of a game. As a viewer you are merely ruining your own initial impressions of the game by having them force fed to you. You are also potentially spoiling your own experience with the game in terms of story. I can’t see any value in it, yet obviously there is an audience for it because they continue to take place. Like many things I find objectionable, it can easily be avoided, but that is beside the point.

In the push for providing more and more content for its rabid audience we seem to have lost the reason why we love our hobby. Playing videogames shouldn't be about arguing over a name. Playing videogames shouldn’t be about sitting in front of your computer, watching other people play several hours of a game you intend to play. It should be about, well, playing games.

Signed,

The biggest hypocrite in the world…

Top five: best/worst songs in Sonic Adventure

If disc-based consoles had never come to fruition we may have seen Sega in a different light. It seems a long time ago that the SNES and the Genesis were going toe to toe in a conflict to determine whether Nintendo or Sega would be the victor of the 16-Bit console War. But with the quick and painful demise of the Saturn and Dreamcast, it is natural to conclude that the CD was the undoing of Sega (cough Mega CD). But we would have lost so much had Sega never jumped to CD. I’m not even talking about their games. I’m talking the music. While many pine for the classic Green Hill Zone music, Sonic Adventure showed us what Team Sonic had really been craving; soft-rock, 80s style. Painfully sincere, hilariously packed with ‘attitude’, and showing a complete lack of understanding for their audience, the Sonic soundtracks are legendary. There are so many classics that I had to choose merely the top five from his Dreamcast debut. Do yourself a massive favor and youtube these. Terrible, but weirdly irresistible, these are the top five best/worst songs in Sonic Adventure.



Open your Heart – Main theme
“Can't hold on much longer - But I will never let go
I know it's a one way track - Tell me now how long this'll last
I'm not gonna think this way - Nor will I count on others
Close my eyes and feel it burn - Now I see what I've gotta do
OPEN YOUR HEART, IT'S GONNA BE ALLRIGHT”

Sounds like: If Bon Jovi did music for video games. Passionate, wailing guitar solos and a singer who sounds like his lungs are on the brink of explosion.

Believe in Myself – Tail’s theme
“When all alone in my chair, I just go about wishing
I wanna be strong, I really wanna be trusted
When all alone in my bed, I just go about yearning
I wanna be cool, I also wanna be like him”

Sounds like: The kid from ‘Oliver Twist’ doing pop-rock. Sickly, cloying but pure as the driven snow. Oh, and if you look at the lyrics, pretty creepy too.

Unknown from M.E. – Knuckles theme
“Here I come, rougher than the rest of them
the best of them, tougher than leather.
You can call me Knuckles, unlike Sonic I don't chuckle”

Sounds like: The worst rap you have ever heard. Ever. Containing the above lyrics which would also be at least in the running for worst lyrics ever.

My Sweet Passion – Amy’s theme
“I know that your lucky color is that cool shade of blue
...Won't mind painting myself blue for you...”
“I do understand the feelings of a Persian Cat
...But the Sphinx looked so cute I had to shave it...
He reminds me of parsley when he's standing there all alone”

Sounds like: A fairly cutesy J-pop song translated into English. Very badly. Seriously, I know that translating Japanese into English is hard but there really was no effort involved in even trying to have it make sense. Unless the lyrics contain some deep symbolism that I can’t understand. They just sound… well, I hope your imagination isn’t as bad as mine.

Lazy Days – Living in Paradise – Big the Cat’s theme
“Hey big guy, hey little guy
Can you tell me what's inside
Sorry, but I don't know
We are simply natural”

Sounds like: A duet between two men in a competition to sound more ridiculous than each other. They are both winners. It sounds like a rip-off of some other buddy-buddy song you have heard in a Disney movie somewhere. But much, much worse. Which makes it fantastic.


This is Big the Cat. His best friend is a frog. Enough said.

Top five: signs you have been in Japan too long

The Parakeet



In Japan bowing happens constantly. I don’t mean the full, spine-snapping 90 degree bow that you might assume, rather the mini head bob, or ‘the parakeet’ as I shall now refer to it as. Whether you realize you are doing it or not, the average person does ‘the parakeet’ over 200 times a day (N.B. this statistic is incorrect). Walking into your office is somewhat akin to going to a heavy metal concert as you nearly constantly bob your head in greeting to each fellow employee and customer. Frankly I wouldn’t be surprised if Japanese people had developed considerably stronger necks than other nationalities as a form of Darwinian evolution.
Although foreigners initially feel a little uncomfortable and unsure as to when to bow, it is usually picked up pretty quickly and becomes a reflexive response. Thus upon returning to your home country you may have to deal with some odd stares as you ‘parakeet’ your way through conversations. The worst thing is that you realize that you are bowing as you are doing it, by which time it is too late. Instead you might try to abort the bow by freezing you neck, but you run the risk of looking as if you have just suffered a powerful seizure. Don’t worry; eventually rude staff in fast food restaurants will drain the Japanese politeness from your soul.

Japanese-English isn't funny anymore

Japanese-English is funny. In fact at times it can be downright hilarious. Take this for example.



Pure genius, right? Except that after living in Japan for too long you tend to forget that it is funny. It is simply an omnipresent fact of life in Japan. So whilst you are guaranteed to spend your first few months in Japan taking photos of every street sign and buying every grammatically incorrect t-shirt you can lay your hands on, after a while you stop noticing. So the next time your friend points out some Japanese-English take a minute and think if you really think it is funny, or if you are just humoring them. If it isn’t funny, you have been in Japan too long.

You are a door mat

Maybe you were polite before you came to Japan. Perhaps you even went to finishing school. I’m not here to judge. What is likely to be true though, is that since you have been in Japan you have been becoming more and more polite every day. Wait, let me re-phrase that. You have been becoming more and more and more of a door mat every day. Someone pushes in front of you in line? Well, before that might have earned them a blast of rage, but now the worst you are likely to do is stare at their back in seething, passive-aggressive hatred. Get the wrong order in a restaurant? Rather than send it back, you may just think that the staff looks busy, and you may have wanted sirloin steak, but fried octopus is probably just as good. Go back to your own country for a bit to realize that the level of customer service you receive is directly related to the volume of your voice.

Foreigners are trouble



The sad fact is that a lot of people in Japan can be racist. They mistrust foreigners, are suspicious of their motives for being in Japan and are worried that they could burst into violence at any point. The sad fact is that the people who think this are also foreigners. Yes, when you have been in Japan for a long time, you start to think of it as ‘your country’. Who are these, Americans, British, Canadians, and Australians who think they can just waltz around the streets of Shinjuku? Why are they even here? Do doubt they are up to no good. Best avoid eye contact with them in case they try and talk to you. Why are they so loud, so crass, and so arrogant?
Well, whoa there partner. Stop a minute, and take a look in the mirror. You are a foreigner. They have as much right as you do to be there. So before you join one of those right wing nationalist Japanese political groups, think about whether they want you. You can read 250 Kanji? Congratulations. You still aren’t Japanese. Maybe its time for a little trip to your ‘home country’ to remind you of that.

You know the names of all the members of SMAP




Oh, for the record, they are Shingo Katori, Tsuyoshi Kusanagi, Goro Inagaki, Takuya Kimura and Masahiro Nakai… oh dear…