wtf moments: beer girls

There are so many things which sound wonderful on paper but fail to live up to expectations. Communism for example. Well you can add beer girls to that list, because whilst even the least misogynistic male would find the concept of a cute girl bringing them beer appealing, the reality is a little more painful. Yes they are very cute Japanese girls and yes they walk around baseball stadiums serving beer but they are carrying a hell of a lot of it. 2 liter bottles of water are pretty heavy and annoying to carry when you go on a picnic. Times that feeling by twenty and you might have some idea of what these girls have strapped to their backs. Oh and because they are working in baseball stadiums they are walking up and down stairs a lot. And they are shouting to draw attention to their wares. Sounds exhausting, doesn’t it? It’s no wonder then that although they begin the game perky, cheerful and cute as a button, they finish the evening looking like a crack addict trying to quit by going cold turkey. With rocks strapped to their back. Sweaty, stumbling and with a vacant look in their eyes, you want to buy beer off them out of pity, in order to momentarily lighten their load. Yet despite this Spartanesque effort, they seem to maintain their fragile, sylph-like figures. When doing so much exercise it must take quite a bit of effort not to gain muscles.

I would be remiss in my duty if I failed to mention the token beer boy that appears to be present at every stadium. They must be hired simply to fulfill quotas or stave off accusations of sexism, because like the Highlander, there can be only one. Unsurprisingly no one ever seems to buy beer from him. That may or may not have something to do with the very small shorts he is wearing.

wtf moments: Japan built a full scale Gundam!

In the last of today’s trilogy of articles related to giant mechs I present you with the real deal. I direct you to Shiokaze Park in Odaiba where a full scale Gundam is currently under construction and pretty much done. Japan has finally caved to public pressure and given the people what they really want. Or at least what a small but very vocal minority of Japanese people.

But even the most skeptical of people, wondering perhaps why the hell so much money has been spent on something so monumentally useless, that will only be up for two months in these tough economics times, still even they must admit; this is pretty f****ing awesome. It stands at 18 meters tall and weighs in at 35 tons. For a pointless comparison the statue of liberty (without the base) is 43 meters. Still, any way that you look at this thing its pretty big. Definitely too large and too wonderful to be dismantled in August. We can only hope that Japan finally sees sense, gives it pride of place on Fuji-san, and give themselves a new national symbol that embodies the modern image of their country.



I fully expect there will be future news stories reporting tales of hardcore otaku who attempt to board and pilot this, sadly non-functioning Gundam. Who knows, perhaps someone will be allowed to purchase it once its purpose is served, and devote themselves to getting this thing up and running. We may only find out years from now when a crazy bearded otaku rains down destruction on Tokyo whilst straddled atop the giant mech.

wtf moments: The first class airplane hotel room

Wouldn't you rather sleep in these than a double bed? What do you mean no?

Once again I have to pay tribute to NHK morning news for making me late to work. As I mentioned in a previous post they sometimes show some pretty extraordinary/pointless things just as I am changing to go to work and thus I always run the risk of being tardy if something especially stupid is shown. Well today was one of those days.

Forgive me if the title was somewhat misleading. Japan has not yet developed the technology to make hotels fly just yet (all their top scientists are evidently working on making Gundams a reality).
Have you ever wanted to fly first class? Sure you have, we all have, but the price barrier is astronomically high. So what can you do? Well whatever you do you shouldn’t do this. There are now first class airplane themed rooms in hotels near an airport in Japan. So what exactly does that entail? Well you get 1st class style airplane seats in your room so you too can feel trapped and slightly uncomfortable when you could just be lying in a King-sized bed. You food is also delivered to you by a hotel staff member who is dressed like an airline hostess, and as appealing as that image may be its hardly worth it when you consider that you will be eating off a tray in your room when you could be in a restaurant. Oh, and the food is airplane food which is hardly famous for being delicious. First class airplane food yes, but still inferior to being able to actually eat in a restaurant and having more options than the chicken or the seafood. Lastly if you raise the curtain blind you can look out over the airport and see the planes take off. So as well as having dull and ugly scenery to gaze out upon the sounds of those giant iron birds roaring overhead is something you can listen to all night.


A view surpassing any other that mother nature can provide

With my Japanese ability being what it is I’m afraid the finer points of this revelation may have passed me by. But rest assured, Japan are still pushing the boundaries of the sublimely ridiculous. They have created the safest and tamest way to join the mile-high club.

wtf moments: The manga reader

Confession time; this is the first wtf moment that I have not yet experienced and the information comes from my friends. Having said that it was such a good story that I feel compelled, duty bound if you will, to pass of the story.

My friends were relaxing in Yoyogi Park enjoying a hanami (cherry blossom viewing) party. A man approached them who could charitably be described as an eccentric nomad, or more accurately called a crazy homeless guy. The service he was offering was to read manga comics to the enraptured, and slightly scared, audience for a small price. So having chipped in a couple of hundred yen each they were allowed to choose which manga they would like him to read. As there were a couple of interesting choices including Fist of the North Star, they natural asked him to read a homoerotic comic.

He then read the comic aloud, like some ancient culture’s village historian, and adopted different voices for the various characters in the story. In this case that involved the dominant alpha male whose deep voice boomed ominously, and the more submissive young man was represented by a suitably more effeminate voice. From what I was told the most impressive/intriguing/disturbing part of the experience was the gusto with which he would perform the many, many sound effects. If you have as much of an annoyingly vivid imagination as myself, I apologize if that has scarred you mentally.

So, if you happen to be lucky enough to see this vagabond wandering the streets of Tokyo, take a moment to think about whether you would like to be affected by this life-altering experience.

wtf moments: Host clubs

Ah, hosts. Those denizens of the night. Those princes of Shibuya. Those perfectly coiffured sharks of the Tokyo night. For those new to Japan, you might wonder just why on earth there are groups of impossibly manicured men populating the streets of Tokyo. Sure, the Japanese have a somewhat legendary status as being fashion conscious, but these guys just take it way beyond the next step. Somewhere beneath the three feet of hair that has been meticulously stylized, sits the perma-tan and the sparkling white teeth. There may or may not be an attractive man underneath all that, but like the most skillfully made up women, its pretty hard to tell.

What do they do? Well they do the same job as hostesses. For those who don’t know what they do, I’m sure I will do a separate article at some point. Basically hosts are paid to talk to women. If that isn’t a wtf moment I’m not sure what is. This is why they constantly strive for physical perfection. They are paid large sums of money to chat to ladies, compliment them, and listen to any problems or grievances they might have. And they get paid an awful lot to do it. Oh, and in case you thought it might be all old biddies with more money than sense, you’d be wrong. Apparently a large number of the customer base for hosts are…hostesses. Because their job finishes late, they have to spend time with unattractive old men, and they have a lot of disposable income, hostesses like to go to host bars. So in fact some of the most beautiful women in Japan are paying you to talk to them… WTF?!?!



Before you all rush out to slap on some fake tan and hit the gym though, it would be wise to note that like hostess clubs, host clubs are intrinsically linked with the criminal underworld. But, come one, for this job it’s almost worth the risk.