Why gaijin shouldn’t wear yukata (and why we do anyway)

It is summertime here in Japan which can only mean one thing!... well actually it means quite a few things. Mosquito bites for one, and weather so humid that clothes aren’t removed so much as peeled off, but I digress. One of the enduring appeals of Japan is the spectacular fireworks displays, and the unusual juxtaposition of old Japanese culture with its more modern side. So whilst the atmosphere has probably changed little over the years, the glow of thousands of mobile phone illuminating the surroundings provides a poignant reminder of just how much times have changed.

Of course yukata are a big part of what makes the fireworks festivals appealing to so many people. The chance to reconnect with Japanese history is something that many of the younger generation are not interested in, but the yukata still carries the symbolism of old Japan. So, as foreigners in Japan, why do we feel the need to claim something so distinctly Japanese as our own?



For a person who has owned as many yukata as I have, I remain moralistically torn on the issue. On one hand it is appealing to try to assimilate yourself more deeply into Japanese culture, to experience something new and to feel as though you are part of an event rather than merely a curious bystander. On the other hand a gaijin in a yukata sticks out like a single middle-aged man at a Hannah Montana concert.

In a purely practical sense though, I have learnt my lesson. Unless you have a yukata technician with you at all times I strongly recommend caution. Fireworks displays inevitably involve plenty of walking, often shuffling through sardine-packed train stations and squeezing though small streets. Whether it is due to the thickness of westerners’ legs or lack of proper training, chafing is an inevitable evil. Vaseline is a necessity unless you intend to walk in a John Wayne gait for the next week. Likewise geta, though impressively authentic, seem designed to tear every possible tendon in the feet of a gaijin.



The real danger though is the unintentional ‘Marilyn Munroe’ moment. Due to suffering from the afore mentioned physical injuries, I foolishly decided to loosen my obi in an attempt to alleviate my pain. A strong gust of wind ensured that the traumatizing of many a young impressionable mind.

Please people, remember to wrap up tight this summer. Or, like me, you risk setting back the cause of foreigners in Japan for another 50 years.

Learning to hug

Japan has changed a lot in recent times and for better or worse has undoubtedly become more westernized. Not completely though. There are still some cultural differences which linger and physical contact is a grey area that not all have crossed. Take anime as an example (as it does still embody many of the values of Japanese society). Romantic plotlines are rarely resolved in as direct and clear a manner as their Western counterparts. The traditional Hollywood romance is sealed with a kiss or something even more, for lack of a better word, physical. It is a moment of release and satisfaction for the audience. However in Japan holding hands can be as significant a gesture and symbolic of a journey about to begin as opposed to the resolved ‘Happily Ever After’ subtext of the American movies (ignoring the reality of the 50% divorce rate).

After this rambling tangent I bring to you the subject of hugging. Each culture has its own method of greetings and farewell and whilst a step below the European cheek kissing, the hug is seen as a friendly gesture. Most of my friends in Japan are rather into the hugging thing after initial confusion and reservations. But there are still some who are unsure how to act in such a situation. In the same way that kissing in public is seen as rather distasteful, the hug can be seen as too public a display of affection and consternation as to whether others will misinterpret the gesture. The fear in their eye and the tightening of facial features as you loom in for the hug never fails to entertain. There is also nothing quite like the feeling of someone going utterly limp in your arms, their own arms dangling useless by their sides as if you had stabbed them in the stomach. Playing dead is obviously the main method of self defense.



Equally interesting is the ‘bro hug’ when neither man is quite sure exactly what to do but inevitably ends with back slapping and arm punching in order to assert masculinity. Knowing who and how to hug is a complicated social scenario in Japan. The people offering free hugs outside Harajuku station have clearly been hired to educate the Japanese people on this most difficult of Western customs.

The "never ending conversation": How to test the patience of Japanese people

Ah the brutal cycle of repetition. Combine that with the general amiability and willingness to agree of the average Japanese person and if you time it right, you too can end up in a conversation which involves simply agreeing with each other. ‘Ne’ ‘Desho’ and Desuyone’ are basically ways to say ‘right’ or ‘that’s true’ in Japanese, either as a way of checking if the other person agrees with your opinion, or as a way for the other person to show their approval or agreement with what you have just said. And as I mentioned, Japanese people love to agree with each other, meaning that a lot of conversation are based around one person stating the obvious then the other person agreeing with them (well, I guess that is applicable to most nationalities!). Here is a simple example dialogue:

“Atsui ne?” (It’s hot isn’t it?)
“Ne” (Yeah)

The great thing is that you don’t need to stop there; you can just keep on agreeing with each other for a very long time before one person decides that enough is enough. I love doing this with my friends, and I suggest you try too. See how much you can test the patience of the notoriously polite Japanese people until they crack! Try starting this one, and don’t forget that you need to keep raising your intonation in order to demand a response.

“Tanoshikata ne?” (That was fun wasn’t it?)
“Ne” (Yep, it was fun)
“Desuyone” (Yeah it kicked ass, right?)
“Hai, so desu” (I already told you it was fun)
“Desho?” (Best thing ever eh?)
“Desho” (Look, it was alright, but now you are going a bit too far)
“So dayo ne?” (Seriously, that was more awesome than…than anything ever, don’t you think?)
“….so ne.” (Woah…I got to get away from this freak)

Give it a go, kids!

"SHHIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGOOOOO!"

When Kusanagi-kun was arrested for public indecency he stripped bare more than just his body. He also tore off the veil of the nature of celebrity in Japan. Perhaps first I should provide a little context for those who somehow missed this (old) news. At 3am on April 23rd Tsuyoshi Kusanagi of the boy band SMAP was arrested for public indecency, reportedly dancing naked and under the influence of alcohol in a park in Tokyo.

SMAP are the most popular and much beloved boyband in Japan, and whilst they rarely now release new music, each member is involved in various other acting and performing projects and they host the popular variety show SMAPXSMAP. They aren’t known as having squeaky clean images (only one is married and another is a notorious womanizer), but they are nonetheless a very respected and trusted brand in Japan. Thus the arrest led to some shockwaves around the world with even the BBC website commenting on the controversy. Kusanagi himself was forced to withdraw from some high-profile advertising campaigns and his own image has undoubtedly suffered.

SMAP were always in a curious position. Unlike almost every other boyband that has ever existed, these guys are still together after what is coming up to a twenty year career. The young idol boys’ image faded a long time ago, and yet as they have become such household names, high standards of moral integrity are still expected of them. After so long, even the member who has carved a persona as a sensitive and gentle person (which I’m sure he is) was bound to crack.

Despite that there is a lot of schadenfreude surrounding the incident, and the hilarity of the crime itself makes it irresistible. As the great man said himself when being arrested to the police, “What’s wrong with being naked?” Nothing my good man. Unless you happen to be a symbol of gentility for an entire country. Until the same thing happens to Prince William (because realistically Harry will beat him to it), we may never understand how Japanese people felt when Kusanagi-kun, stark naked in a park bellowed “SHHHHIIIINNNNNNGGGGGOOOOOOOO!”

An open letter to Japan re: Evangelion

“Dear Japan,
I know that you really loved Evangelion, but it’s been fifteen years now; its time to move on. Yes I know that it was groundbreaking (as well as heartbreaking) at the time, and yes it redefined for many what the medium represented and was capable of, but it is time to let go. So why then do I still see Evangelion merchandise clogging up the shelves of every figure shop in Japan, spreading rather than receding like creeping ivy, suffocating all before it? Why do the crowds mass round the cosplaying Reis and Asukas with such fervor so long after its release?
Like a guy in his mid-thirties who hasn’t been able to get over a high school crush, the passion for Evangelion burns strongly in the heart of Japan. Its time to leave the past where it belongs and let the healing process begin.
Do not misunderstand me Japan, for I love Evangelion too. I too was enthralled by the emotionally crippled and complex characters and the tension that resulted from their enforced relationships. However, its time to take that step out of pubescent angst and into the frightening world of adulthood.
I fear this is an empty plea, likely to be lost amongst the karaoke booths that still pump out the theme tune night after night at a deafening decibel level. Unless you are a religious person, there is nothing as omnipresent as Evangelion. From the cans of soft drinks you imbibe, to the UFO catchers, to the costume of every third cosplayer you see, Evangelion is everywhere.
Please Japan, for the sake of the both of us. It’s over.”



Facts about Evangelion
30% of Japan’s economy is related to the success of the Evangelion franchise
The average Japanese man thinks about Ayanami Rei once every six seconds
10/10 people know the Evangelion franchise
5/10 people spend at least 50% of their annual salary on Evangelion goods
1/10 people are currently attempting to build their own life-sized and fully functional Evangelion
2/10 people are currently attempting to build their own life-sized and fully functional Ayanami Rei robot
(N.B. These facts are not factual)